The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the bunnies are... jumping...

Why yes! It's THAT time of year again...

​Time to head down to AP's annual Spring Fling Carnival!

The festivities will kick off this Friday night with some music and dancing provided by Club Climax. Saturday come down and see the lovely contestants running for Miss AP 2017, and then the fun continues all day Sunday. 

All of your favorite games and activities will be waiting for you, including booths that have been sponsored by local organizations. Stop by the Times media booth for a chance to win a free newspaper subscription for life, or have a chat with one of The Lighthouse's DJ's. 

There will also be food and drink aplenty and even rides for the kid in all of us! So be sure to bring your appetite, your sense of adventure, and your wallet!

To pre-purchase tickets or get in your last minute application for the Miss AP 2017, visit Eva Perry at the Courthouse, or contact her at 555-2873. 

See you at the Fling!

((There is no OOC cost to attend the carnival, but anyone with questions should reach out to Eva Perry - a.k.a. evangeline.grantly))

On today of all days, Stoned Head encourages you to light'em if you got'em! Best weed in town, with ​several different strains to get your calm on. Open 24/7 365 days a year, 'cause "People need their weed, ya know?"

​By Phedre Dumouriez

There's something to be said about a fine cigar.

The aroma. The flavor. Even the feel of it between your fingers or up against your lips.

Much the same can be said about a proper cigar lounge; there's a certain unspoken requirement that any venue made for sharing in this particular habit should be of finest quality.

Upon entering The Lord's Chamber - yet another one of Asphyxiation Point's newest Uptown shops - the scent that greeted this reporter was just as refined of that of its new owner, one Mr. Ryan Taylor, and the decor just as posh as one could hope for. 

"We cater to experts and amateurs alike [here] at the Lord's Chamber," says Mr. Taylor.  "The people of AP continue to surprise me, We have a few guests that know their stuff, and others wanting to learn."

Their selection of cigars varies widely in range - from products hailing from Honduras to Nicaragua, the Dominican to Mexico - and even some small restricted island havens in between. (See below for a copy of the menu)

But be prepared to pay, as even the basics don't come cheap, and some of the higher end are reserved solely for Sterling Members. 

Part of that 'membership' guarantees that not only do you receive the freshest product, but there are also drink and other pairings available. 

For more information about The Lord's Chamber Cigar Lounge, visit 3 Eagle Ridge in Uptown AP or contact Ryan Taylor at 555-3478. 

​By Chloe Voss

A new store in the upper downtown area has opened its doors to the public. Blush Boutique celebrated its grand opening with lights, champagne, and assorted appetizers. Not the least of which was a store wide sale to those in attendance for the first few hours of the event; and attendance was a well-represented mix of the citizens of the city. Seemingly every social tier turned out to celebrate, including a thief. 

Prior to the single disturbance to an otherwise smooth introduction of a new business to the upper downtown area shop owner Lynn Zero offered comment, “… owning a store is brand new to me personally, but I know enough… to run it successfully.'' Owning a store may be new to Ms. Zero but her poise and confidence suggest exactly her own assertion that she knows the challenges that lie ahead.

It didn't take long after the doors of the establishment were set open that an unidentified female stole one of the store mannequins along with the demo clothing it was wearing. The culprit cannot have gone through such a press of attendees without someone recognizing her and will certainly be brought to justice; if the guilt of her actions hasn’t overwhelmed her already and caused her to turn herself into authorities. 

Ms. Zero commented that she had expected something of the sort to occur. Undeterred by the attempted slight to her grand opening due to the actions of a common criminal, Lynn’s optimism for her store and future remained high, adding, “An expansion would definitely be something I'd look in to if this place does as well as I intend it to.'' The optimism and enthusiasm for her new venture is apparent and if opening day crowds are a measure to judge by then there is certainly success ahead for the Blush Boutique.

With Fredrick's coming under new management, the Executive Chef has created an exciting new menu to celebrate the best that Maine can provide.

Our seafood is purchased straight from the fishing trawlers docked each morning with the catch of the day, while 100% grass-fed cattle are used to supply the restaurant with our famous steaks. 

At Fredrick's, we pride ourselves in finding the freshest local and seasonal produce to cater for most discerning palate. We hope that our new menu meets your expectations!

​I am a young woman, currently staying at the B&B and looking for a room or a space for rent with a male or female with an existing house or apartment.  I am clean, have a job at the hospital and am able to split home expenses.  If interested please call 555-1212 and ask for Hailey

((OOC: Contact haileymarshall for more info))

Dear Z,

I've recently had the misfortune of bedding a man twice.  Why two times... well I was really drunk the second and thought he was someone else.  Now he keeps calling me, but I really don't want to see him again.  I keep trying to get it across, saying that I can't go out cause I'm washing my hair, or reorganizing my shoe closet...  But he's really persistent.  A little creepily persistent, if you get my meaning.  The biggest problem though.. is that he ain't the biggest.  He's got a really small dick and sex with him was like sticking a Q-tip up my cooter.  I don't want to piss him off and end up with a broken nose like that blonde chick that I've seen around.  How do I get him to leave me alone so I can enjoy all the big cocks I want without his little dick standing in my way?  

Sincerely, M.

--

Dear M.,

Your case is probably one of the worst I have ever heard of, but fear not, there is an answer to this as well - even if you will have to be strong and endure a small dick at least one more time. Now grab a pen and a scrap of paper and be very careful to follow all the steps, and you will get rid of him in no time. First of all, don't answer him but leave him a f*ckton of messages in his voicemail and text him continuously. Make sure to be extremely mushy and declare him your undying love. Send him all the most romantic postcards and quotes that you can find. After a couple of days and about two hundred messages, you can finally drop the Wedding Bomb. Make sure he understands that your intentions are serious and noble, that you already chose your dress, and give him a hint about a suitable engagement ring. Statistically, he should block your number after the first 3 hours, but should he be more persistent, please contact me and we'll go for plan B - telling him you passed him chlamydia. 

Yours,

Z

​((OOC: Do you have a problem or need advice and don't know where to turn? Simply contact Zehena by dropping her a notecard in-world.))

By Ima Reportier

​A wave of vicious violence and attempted murders in the wake of Hurricane Hayden has the city reeling as much as it did in the storm. 

Despite assurances from the APPD that arrests are imminent there seems to be no end to the string of crimes. When questioned if the incidents were somehow related to gang activity an APPD spokesperson simply said that investigations were underway.

​The skies are clear and calm around Asphyxiation Point. The weather is a stark contrast to the buzz of activity on the morning of April 10 as I stand outside the courthouse. The building has recently served as a makeshift shelter for citizens seeking refuge from hurricane Hayden. 

Boxes of supplies and the omnipresent sound of emergency phone tones have mingled with the case files and workload of the court system. The woman at the front desk is clearly busy juggling multiple tasks between various duties both familiar and temporary as result of the crisis. 

Ms. Perry is informed of my presence and I’m sent on my way up the courthouse steps to meet with her in her office. After greetings and pleasantries I felt it necessary to thank Ms. Perry before starting in on our conversation. 

My thanks extended beyond the required appreciation of her setting aside time for me, let alone under the circumstances. Though it was the circumstances that required my gratitude; you see, if not for Ms. Perry accompanying rescue crews during the evacuation efforts preceding Hayden’s arrival I may have been watching a movie under water at the Asphyxiation Point Theater. Her thoughtful calm in checking the buildings along lower downtown no doubt saved many lives.

Luckily my rather personal start to our meeting did not unhinge our interview or let it push off on the wrong rails. Quite the contrary as our District Attorney (D.A.) gave a more detailed response to my expression of appreciation than I expected; one that led to a happy opening:

Eva Perry – “....you know honestly, all the years I've lived on the island I never really participated in the rescue efforts, it was out of being self-centered I think but I'm trying to adopt a new outlook on life…”

Our D.A. has now settled comfortably in her chair, her posture one of repose. Quite frankly a much more wonderful way to have a conversation, interviews can come across as so very confrontational so her relaxation with me was a relief on my own mind.

I certainly had to empathize with her sentiments, "Well in a disaster of such magnitude it’s not easy to place one’s own well-being on the line. You said you're adapting a new outlook? What was 'old' Eva like?" Let’s face it, even if we hear the same rumor over and over from different sources nothing compares to receiving a solid answer from the subject of said rumors. 

Eva Perry - “Self-involved, emotionally claustrophobic...not always too interested in the welfare of others if it didn't benefit me in some way." (I note a wince here. Her own words apparently causing distress) "…and I'm still working on a lot of that. I admit that I love to have a good time and many times over indulged in liquor but I've cut way back and started to focus more on the long term. Not that I don't still enjoy a few glasses of wine, or going out and cutting loose, I'm just more careful with it these days."

Quite the penetrating self-observation in her answer but I felt to poke about the edges for more, " [As human beings] We want to enjoy and experience things, but now, especially with your position. I imagine that you have to be reeeeally careful. People have such expectations that we all attach to titles.”

Eva Perry - "Yes, and in my youth I pushed quite a few boundaries. My father was an off shore fisherman as was his father before him and on back to Fredrick Perry, my great grandfather, so I was left to my own devices and unsupervised when I wasn't able to accompany my father on his trawler, things were different then. And he was a wonderful man but a die-hard fisherman. Anyway, as a teenager I was in some minor trouble here and there. After this last incident when I was arrested for assault on someone close to me I had to really take inventory of myself"

At her mention of the domestic incident Eva’s discomfort is apparent. I kept my follow up deliberately brief, "Yes, the 'incident'. What happened exactly?" Ms. Perry’s smile is now absent, the topic clearly difficult.

Eva Perry - "It was a culmination of a huge misunderstanding [with] my ex and I was very emotional and I let my own emotions get out of control. Although I did not intend to harm Officer Vincente in any way, it happened and it happened due to my own recklessness and failure to control my temper and I am deeply sorry for the pain I caused to him and anyone else involved." Our D.A.’s discomfort at her own confession was evident.

It is at this point where I am afforded the opportunity to ask a question that relates to Eva’s history. Much could be printed no doubt in regards to recent events in Eva’s life and it was with no small amount of trepidation that I sought out this answer in particular to help clarify her personal state of mind. 

"Was it maybe also perhaps some stress all layered together? … perhaps stress resulting from the incident of your disappearance? I'm not trying to say [the separate events] were directly related, it’s just that stressful situations can affect us deeply and bleed over into parts of our lives that we normally wouldn't expect."

With this question posed, her expression leaves no doubt that Eva’s comfort zone is clearly breached. Yet, she steadfastly upholds her responsibility for the domestic incident and refuses to shift blame.

Eva Perry - "Yes, partly… I won't deny that I've always had a temper and it wasn't the first time I had thrown objects in the heat of the moment, I'm a thrower but there are still some issues related to that incident that I'm … dealing with. It was traumatic and of course any loss of life is a tragedy.”

(For details as to Eva’s comment regarding loss of life readers are encouraged to read the Times articles relating to both her disappearance and subsequent reappearance.)

With no small amount of gratitude for Eva’s candor in answering such heavy questions it was time to lighten the mood. Ms. Perry’s responses leave no doubt she accepts the burden of her actions. Still, it was time to press forward and look to the future.

"All this excitement, or, maybe stress recently. So many incidents, and the weather on top of it. I can see how you may feel the need for a different outlook. So, if I may, and for the benefit of our city, could I ask you of your plans? What does the future hold for Eva Perry?"

Eva Perry - "Let's see, spending more time with family...I've recently found out that I have a half-sister, Dr. Aimee Ingall. We've been getting to know each other which is nice, with both my parents gone, to have family again. I want to strengthen the friendships I have, help some friends that need it and of course really focus on my career for the time being, but I think repairing relationships and forging new friendships is at the top of my goals for the future.” 

Ms. Perry’s mood is clearly lighter and more comfortable. Telling perhaps is that her immediate concern for the future is talk of family and friends. A trait most commendable and I feel I am taking on the part of a gossip for having to pry.

"No ambitions? No other office or position that you foresee in the future?"

Eva Perry - "We'll see but for now I don't have any political ambitions, I need to get my own life in order before I could ever dream of trying to iron out the issues that a position in office would hold. I'm content for the time being, I think I handle things better when there is that opportunity to win." Eva added a wink to her closing statement on our interview, "I've never been a very gracious loser.”

Ms. Perry may not consider herself a gracious loser but her generosity extends to allowing me to take a couple of photographs despite having already hoarded so much of her time.

Equipment safely stored I leave the courthouse with a greater appreciation of the time and effort that our District Attorney, Ms. Eva Perry expends in her hours. There are clearly many more stories that could be written of her life. Only the barest reflection captured in this small moment she allowed me to share. To see what comes next in her life will no doubt be truly remarkable.