by Ima Journalier

Late in the afternoon of Thursday, February 23rd, three patients - two females and one male - were brought in by ambulance to the Asphyxiation Point Hospital. One of the female patients was afflicted only with only minor wounds, but the other female had to undergo several hours of surgery.  

The male was grievously injured when he was originally admitted.

Reliable sources within the hospital shared with the Times that the patients appeared to have been involved in a possible 'sex game' or prank that went horribly wrong; their wounds consistent with those made from a machete. 

These same sources went on to share that the two woman were sisters Misha and Xelan Yheng. The former remained in critical care for several days, whereas Xelan was released into police custody the day after the incident. 

Another alleged participant - one Allie Sheppard, manager of Pandora's Box - managed to escape any physical harm, though sources state that she too was apprehended by police.  

As strange as things already sound, matters took an even more bizarre turn the morning after the incident, when the male patient was apparently found covered in blood, dead in his hospital room. 

Doctor Mary Underwood had this to say when questioned about this rather gory turn of events. "It is not my contention the hospital was the scene of a murder. We did have a police presence on site today (but) I cannot discuss the details of why they were here (and) the cause of death for the male in our care has not yet been determined."

​Evangeline C. Perry, known by most as Eva, was reported missing on Monday evening, February 27th.  A friend made the 911 call after finding Ms. Perry's Indian Trail home ransacked and abandoned.

The 29 year old Perry is described as 5'5" in height and 120lbs with blonde hair and blue eyes. Notable features include a three inch long scar along her right temple, and another scar on her right upper arm.  Ms Perry was last seen on Friday, February 24th.

This disappearance follows fast on the heels of the disappearance of another local, the Editor of this very news outlet, Phedre Dumouriez.  Ms Dumouriez was last seen on January 29th, the same day she was to have had a meeting with Ms Perry's legal team in regards to a pending Civil Case Perry was bringing against Dumouriez and the AP Times.  One is led to wonder if the disappearance of both women is in fact coincidental.

Anyone with knowledge of the whereabouts of either Perry or Dumouriez is encouraged to reach out to Officer Jennie Irelund at 555-123-4567 or, you may also make an Anonymous call via the tip line at 555-867-5309. Rewards are currently not being offered in these cases. 

The familiar static crackle as the channel changes to AP local Ch. 68. Asphyxiation Point’s local source for what’s happening in the area and sometimes the nation at large. The camera comes up upon Dean Knopinski, who's looking none the worse for wear - considering that it's been at least a few weeks since anything overly 'dangerous' has happened to him. He's actually smiling - though we'll see for how long that lasts. As the camera pans out from his grinning face, you see a large swatch of dead, brown, muddy grass in the background - and is that.. shoots of green?

Dean clears his throat, and speaks into his mic, even while turning to point at the land behind him. "Well ladies and gents, it's something that the weather gurus have been promising for a long time coming, but here it is at last. The first signs of spring can be seen behind me, and I have to say.. it looks beautiful." He begins to walk and the camera follows him. "We're just outside of Darling Bay, where the grounds have been covered in snow for the last several months. But as you can see, large patches of brown and yes - even the jade tones of new life - are now visible." He drops down to one knee, reaching a hand towards what looks to be a pile of wet dirt. Or so he believes it to be from the intern who put it there moments before they went live.

Turning back to the camera, a handful of the brown sludge gripped between his fingers, he begins to squish it around. "Just imagine - in a few more short days, the scent of loam and life will begin to permeate the air, just like what we get from this small mud pile right here!" He brings it up to his nose and takes a deep sniff, and that's when someone behind the camera starts to giggle. Then, the camera man gets in on it, and the camera itself starts to shake just a little Finally, thanks to the look on Dean's face as he realizes that the pile he was left to 'play with' was nothing more than a bit pile of dog doo-doo... the entire scene rather collapses, as the whole crew breaks into loud guffaws. Just as the scene cuts off and we're patched back to Ariana at the main news desk, the sound of cursing and gagging can be heard, along with Dean's cries of "That's not .. *gag* funny... *gag* guys.. This.. gawd! *gag* It's all over *gag* me!"

Ariana tries to control her laughter as the cameras turn to her, though her bottom lip is quivering and there appear to be tears in her eyes. "That's right folks," she manages to get out, before snorting loudly through her nose. "You've heard it here first. Spring is in the air! Though, we caution our listeners to not try Dean's approach to getting so 'close' to nature!" And with that said, she finally breaks out laughing, while the camera pans over to the weather desk.

The forecast is left to its own devices up on screen, and clearly shows that the weather will be in the mid to high 50's throughout the week, with low winds coming from the South, and the sun shining down nearly every day. It may still be February, but in the Bay Area, Spring is Back!

by Ima Reportier

​Police and family members continue to search for a 31-year-old Asphyxiation Point woman who has now been missing for over 3 weeks..

An anonymous source helping with the missing case said that Times Editor Phedre Dumouriez was still MIA as of this morning. She was last seen outside of the Courthouse on January 29th. 

Ms. Dumouriez was to have met with AP Times lawyers that day, along with the legal team representing District Attorney Eva Perry. The DA had taken out a civil case against both the Times and Aperture Studio regarding the wrongful usage of a supposed private photo in their recent calendar production.

When asked about the Editor's disappearance, Ms. Perry originally had no comment, though her tone and demeanor when fielding the question gave the impression that she was not exactly upset over the situation. When urged once again for any response, Ms. Perry finally shared, "I had absolutely nothing to do with this!" 

Ms. Dumouriez is described as 5-foot 10-inches and slim with green eyes and long dark brown hair. She usually carries around a large screen telephone (phablet) and a Nikon DLSR camera. 

Anyone with information is asked to call Officer Jennie Irelund at 555-123-4567.

Recently, Ima Reportier sat down with Mary Underwood, the proprietor of the new Thinkin Geek shop at 7 Second Street in the lowertown section of Asphyxiation Point. Upon first glance, the shop almost looks like a college dorm room. All available wall space is plastered with posters and wall hangings related to dated movies and video games. Even the floor has carpets that look like they come right out of an old Batman comic. The distressed TV stand in the corner is covered with every type of video game system and there are cartridges and discs scattered across the splintered surface. In fact, when I arrived to do the interview, Dr. Underwood (who I may start calling Dr. Mario . . .) was sitting at a vintage arcade table, kicking alien ass.

Ima Reportier: “So, what is Thinkin Geek?”

Mary Underwood: “Thinkin Geek is the store you need for every geek in your life. We buy, sell and trade anything Geekish. We carry comic books, used video game systems, and all the oldest and latest games. And we have the gaming station all set up so you can try before you buy. People are welcome to play with, watch, or ready anything in the store. We have a Manga/Hentai/Anime section for those addicted to collecting their favorite cartoons. We have decor and we also carry some collectibles. We Even have AP’s first and Only Redbox, so for a buck or two a day you can come here to rent new movies and video games. Almost everything in the shop is for sale. Look around you. What you see is better to geeks than Jessica Rabbit covered in cocaine.”
​
Ima Reportier: “Ooookay. So what about that arcade table. Because I have this boyfriend . . .”

Mary Underwood: “Let me stop you right there. That arcade table is MINE. But I can see if I can find one for your ‘boyfriend.’"

Ima Reportier: “Damn! Okay, so how did you get into this whole Geek thing.”

Mary Underwood: “I’ve always been a nerd with ambitions of becoming a geek. Heh. But really, it started with my grandfather’s comic book collection. My dad had no interest in it so eventually it came to me. From there, I’ve been collecting Geekish stuff for years. Asphyxiation Point was really missing something, I felt. I mean, if I wanted to get out of the house, most of the shops here have to do with Food and healthy lifestyles. I wanted something for an eccentric, like me. I work at the hospital and had nothing to do with my hoard of treasure so I decided maybe I should break all this stuff out of storage. And so, Thinkin Geek was born.”

Ima Reportier: “Anything else you would like our readers to know?”

Mary Underwood: “Just that we are open for business. I do buy, sell and trade so if you are looking for some quick cash and have THE original light saber used by Darth Vader in episode VI . . . come see me sometime!!”

(I'm the one on the bottom). My name is Mr. Teddy, though if you call for me I may not answer. I am a tan, fuzzy Teddy Bear about three feet tall sitting down. I've been lost since January 29th and my owner, Mary Underwood ((WickedEGrin)), is quite beside herself looking for me. If you can help me get home, I am sure she would be grateful. Like, very grateful. And I do mean Very. 

Please. A Bear disappears every few minutes (or hours or something) in the world. Only YOU can help give my story a "Happy Ending". 

Anyway . . . thanks for noticing,

Mr. Teddy