​*As it’s time for local news and weather, the familiar crackle of static as AP Local CH 68 is summoned forth from the Television Ether can be heard. The picture forms up on the familiar round-table set of the Point, Counter-Point program. The news team’s own Dean Knopinski speaking.*

Dean: “Well Marc, I have to both agree and disagree with you on the subject.  I agree that there’s no such thing as an impartial journalist…” *The host of the show can be seen grinning and about to cut in.  “…but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be impartial and unbiased reporting.”

*Marc Langler and several others at the table all seem to start speaking at once while Dean just holds up his hand to ask for them to calm down*

Dean: “If you will allow me to explain…” *The camera focuses entirely on Dean, showing at the bottom: “Dean Knopinski, BA Journalism, Emerson College”*

Marc Langler: "Well I certainly hope you would."

Dean: *He smiles and steeples his fingers over his coffee mug on the table* "All journalists are human beings, therefore will form an opinion and thus be biased in any regard to a story.  With some of the stories we cover it's impossible to avoid bias, unless someone is a complete sociopath.  But they don't have to let that opinion show in their reporting.  The same way that someone puts on a fake smile and asks you if they can help you find anything when you go shopping, while inwardly they just want you to leave them alone or go kill yourself."  *That illicits a chuckle around the guests at the table as Dean picks up the coffee mug and takes a sip of what's inside*

Dean: "When I was still in school, in one of the writing classes the professor gave us an assignment. Write a persuasive piece about whether it's better for someone to go out and invest time and money into their community, or if they should spend that on themselves. fairly simple assignment, and you know everyone is going to write on what we've been taught where improving everyone in the community's standards makes you a good neighbor and makes things better for everyone, yourself included, yada yadda yadda.."

*The camera cuts to show several of the other panelists nodding in agreement or smiling lightly, most of them probably have similar memories of writing assignments*

Dean: "Well I was doing well in the class and, to be fair, feeling a little snarkey about a review of another paper I did for him, so instead of taking that side of the subject, I picked the opposite side. "  *One of the Guests holds her hand up over her mouth like that's some kind of shameful thing while another chuckles at his audacity.*  "Well as you can imagine, after we handed them in I was dreading getting called out on it, so when he asked to see me after class and I saw my paper sitting there on his desk I was feeling a little torpedoed.  Then I thought, well heck it's a persuasive paper and meets all his criteria, if he didn't like it he had best be ready for an argument."

*Another bout of Chuckles and laughter as Dean squares off his jaw and holds up a fist in a mock threatening way.*

Dean: "Well he didn't seem angry or even ask me what I thought he would.  he simply put his hand on my paper and asked me: 'Do you really believe this?'  Which kind of threw me because well I hadn't...and I said that no, I didn't actually believe that was the best way.  he nodded and asked me then: 'Well then why did you write it?' still being kind of snarky and headstrong at the time I shrugged and told him that I wrote it to see if I could, which wasn't completely false, I had mostly written it to see if I could get away with it.  he nodded and told me I was the only one who got full marks on the paper because by the end I had nearly convinced him to change his stance on the issue."

*There's some gasps and one of the other guests claps lightly at the story*

Dean: "You may have a bias, That's only being human, but that doesn't mean you have to let it influence what you write or report. "

Marc: "Interesting, but what do you attribute the whole wave of biased media that we are seeing now where some of us see the source as being Fast News or other sites and won't even read the topic knowing it's going to be horribly skewed away from what the truth is."

Dean: "Well first I think you can learn a lot from reading or watching the proponents of both sides of any issue, if only so you know where your crazy uncle is coming from at the family get together when he rants about something.  But this is where competition begins to backfire and capitalism corporate competition fails the journalism industry. the thought is the more competition the better or cheaper a product you have to produce to keep competitive with your rivals. it fails when there's too much competition and the product you are selling is information.  Back when things started out there were what..Four channels, three of which had evening news?  Sometimes you could switch from one channel to another and they'd be covering the same story and finishing each other sentences nearly.  All of a sudden we have thousands of channels a lot of which claim to offer news, competition increases, heck I think I even saw a Mtv news channel the other day, not sure what they report on but I imagine it's not Music..."

*Another round of Chuckles and laughter at the joke as Dean takes a sip and proceeds.*

Dean: "That's where marketing needs to be able to sell advertising space to targeted demographics for commercials and make money to keep the channel running.  And thus are reporters convinced to report news from a biased stance to engage those viewers that marketing wants to sell products to.  See Humans are hard wired to learn from others.  You put somebody down with fifty articles from various sources to read, they may maintain the information they read over there, but if you ask them later on where they heard that information from, the couldn't tell you.  but if they watch Myself or this show or another news program they'll be able to say: 'Oh yes Dean was saying something about that the other day.'  or 'I saw a special that Benita did on SAP about that'.  The put a face with the information because a news program engages them on a person to person basis.  And thus you want the person teaching you or giving you information to be saying things you want to hear.  So long as marketing needs to boost revenue sales, news programs are going to continue to become more biased to lock down those viewership numbers, to continue prostituting themselves to the public. It's a fairly vicious cycle where you need the money to continue broadcasting, but you have to keep being entertaining and engaging a specific market segment to get that money, and if you start pandering too much is what you are broadcasting true, or is it as bad as reality television."

*The camera centers on the familiar duo of Ariana Bening and Raymond Wages in the CH 68 News room, looking at the camera.*

Ariana: That was our own Dean Knopinski appearing on the most recent Point, Counter-Point round table. The topic was: 'bias in the media.' We obtained special permission to rebroadcast it.”

Raymond: “Interesting stuff, I didn’t know he attended Emerson College.”

Ariana: “I did.”

*Raymond quirks a brow at her but smiles and lets it go at that, though he does flinch a bit as if she kicked him under the table.*

Raymond: “During the filming of that episode, it seems one of the other guests became annoyed at something the host, Marc Langler, said during a break and threw her coffee mug at the man. She missed and hit one of the mic operators who unfortunately lost control of the boom microphone which swung around and knocked Dean off the stage into the food service table. We have no footage of the unfortunate happening, but are told that the doctors do not believe he has a concussion and are keeping him in the hospital overnight for observation. He’s expected to be fine and return to work later this week.”

Ariana: “That’s great news! Get well soon Dean we miss you!”

*She adjusts her papers and puts the “television smile” away as she turns to face the second camera as it switches to her*

Ariana: “After numerous heated arguments on both sides, the local municipality of Trenton has decided that residents will still have to apply for permits when they wish to hold a yard or garage sale.  Voters and the board of selectmen both turned down two amendment articles that would exempt Yard and Garage sales from having to file the paperwork for permits on Friday and Tuesday respectively. The results of the votes were just made public this morning.”

Raymond: “Looks like a lot more Trenton residents will be powering up the old Craigsstuff and eBuy websites to save on the hassle.  Now to give us an idea on what the weather would be like for such yard sales, lets go to Wilbert Woods at weather central sixty eight. How’s mother nature looking out there this week Wil?”

*The camera cuts over to Wilbert Woods at the Weather Central desk, the screen behind him showing scattered rain on the area*

Wilbert: "Well There's some good news, today we start off with some scattered showers here and there, not so good for a yard sale anyway, but all these storm clouds blow out by the late afternoon and evening and clear up giving us a high in the upper seventies, dropping down to sixty one overnight as the ocean winds blow in.  Tomorrow, sunny with scattered clouds, Low eighties as the temperature lingers in that nice area.  Winds picking up as the day progresses but nothing too harsh, a Good day to take out the sailboat if you have the chance. "

*he changes the screen to a day by day forecast display.  Instead of the usual backdrop of blue is a beach scene with Wilbert wearing a rather skimpy European style swimsuit with his Rear end just barely covered by "Saturday" on the display.  Might have been taken from his vacation photos*

Wilbert: "Thursday night the winds die down and we remain in the upper sixties for temperature, leading into bright sunny day on Friday, With the high maybe in the low Nineties, those winds overnight will blow in a couple of scattered storms that won't linger too long on Saturday morning and clear out for another Sunny day.  The temperature will cool a bit into the mid Eighties. Overnight Saturday the clouds roll back in, but no storms are expected.  Making Sunday a cloudy day with intermittent sunshine and high humidity keeping the temperature in the high eighties, but with other factors it'll feel like it's in the mid nineties by evening.  Then on Monday the rain rolls back in in the afternoon lingering from late afternoon and overnight.  Temperatures dropping back to the low Eighties and upper seventies during the day with nighttime dropping back to the sixties.  Tuesday expect more of the same, scattered storms, a couple may be thunderstorms, with the temperature lingering in the upper sixties, dropping down to fifty nine or so overnight as the wind and rain chill things down considerably."

*The background display shows Wilbert's face overlaid on the "singing in the rain" scene with bad photoshopping indicating it's done because he sounds so happy for rain*

Wilbert: "So a nice pleasant weekend and back to some stormy cooler weather the beginning of June.  But about normal for this time of year. "

*The camera cuts back over to Ariana and Raymond*

Ariana: "Looks like it's going to be a great weekend to get out of the house and take in some events and sunshine.  Thanks Wil."

*The camera centers on Raymond as he makes an adjustment in his seat to face front*

Raymond: "A undisclosed man was arrested yesterday after trying to shoplift a bottle of bourbon whiskey from the marketplace general store. The police arrived on the scene as the employee on site tried to stop the man from leaving the premises. Witnesses state that the man saw the officers arrive on scene and proceeded to open the bottle and try to guzzle the entire contents down before they could arrest him.  He was taken to the local hospital to be treated for potential alcohol poisoning.  His name has not yet been released by authorities. "

Ariana: "Lightweight.."  *She blinks realizing she said that out loud and Chuckles as she looks at the camera*  "Liquor thefts are not something another Bay area establishment has to worry about, we go now to Jeannie Webb on site at Big D's Sports bar and grill.  Jeannie?"

*The camera cuts to Jeannie Webb standing outside the familiar little hole in the wall style bar.  A modest exterior with just a sign out front that says "Big D's" and the entire facility seems to have been a converted shop that probably sold shoes or fishing tackle at one point*

Jeannie: "Hiii Everyone and Thanks Ari.  Big D's back here recently had some trouble when local residents complained about the sheer amount of nosie from the Bar, especially during open mic night and when they had live bands perform.  Big D's operates such with a special amusement permit issued by the town council which was coming up for renewal.  The council did approve the permit, but attached a rider to receive monthly reports from the police about noise complaints."

*The camera cuts to a man speaking into the mic as Jeannie interviewed him earlier*

Man: "Weekends isn't so bad, but they have open mic night on Tuesdays and sometimes live bands playing on Wednesdays.  Tenants and tourists who rent out the apartments I have next door complain about the noise all the time.  I had to rent out my normal apartment to keep the money coming in and move into the closest unit.  it gets real bad sometimes on open mic night especially.  I called the cops lots of times, but well nothing ever happens."

*The camera cuts back to Jeannie out front of the bar*

Jeannie: "Big D's owner claims he had no idea that those buildings were used for rentals and tourist apartments, the district is mostly one with other businesses.  He went on to explain that he's invested in new air conditioning and encourages his employees to keep the door and windows shut on weekday nights.  Claiming that at Ten O clock on weeknights the mic and sound system for live performances is turned off and claims that he has done all he can to try and minimize disturbances.  Councilors seem convinced he has been doing so which is why they renewed the permit.  But also added the rider and requested that local police do more proactive patrols in the area near the time for quieting down.  Only time will tell if this is considered enough.  Live from big D's, I'm Jeannie Webb."

*The camera cuts back to the news desk*

Raymond: "For those interested our own recent trip to open Mic night at the bar is available on the website, including our own Tammi Bean singing 'Girls just want to have fun' and Ariana doing a magnificent rendition of 'I will survive'."

Ariana: "Speaking of bartenders and waitresses, Kaylynn Garcia has been following a shift in the minimum wage referendums moving through the state. Kaylynn?"

*The camera cuts to Kaylynn Garcia sitting at the side desk (or kids table) for in house reporting when they aren't in the field.  She adjusts some of her papers and flashes a grin*

Kaylynn: "In the past year a great deal has gone towards adjusting the minimum wage for workers in the state.  the latest referendum concerns those who earn tips as part of their wages.  Last month a 'tip credit' was passed by committee and goes to the state senate for consideration.  Under current Maine law, restaurant servers and other tipped workers earning a minimum of five dollars per hour are scheduled to receive a one-dollar per hour raise every year until their current sub-minimum wage reaches the regular minimum wage. The downside to this is that it may cause people who own restaurants and other service industries to charge more and patrons to tip less, which means a whole difference in encouragement for good service provided."

*She adjusts her papers and several graphs show in the background showing wages and increases and comparing prices and all kinds of graphic data to back up both sides*

Kaylynn:  "The proposal is about instituting a Tip credit wherein an employer can consider tips earned by their workers as meeting part of the employers obligation to pay the standard minimum wage of nine dollars per hour.  The current language precludes such and demands the yearly raise till base pay meets minimum.  by instituting this credit it takes out the yearly demand and it's hopeful that in the long run without a demanded increase that the workers will still be making the goal of the standardized minimum wage.  Detractors also state, that this does cause some headaches for business owners who would have to calculate all reported tips and reconcile that with the hourly wage on a weekly basis to ensure they meet standards.  The bill still needs to pass through the senate and be signed into law by the Governor, but many are confident that it'll be instituted in twenty-eighteen."

*The camera cuts back to Ariana and Raymond in the news room.*

Ariana: “Thank you Kaylynn, it’ll be interesting to see just how far this proposal goes, and how it’ll affect the next bout of pitchers someone gets when they are out celebrating their birthday.”

Raymond: “Coming up after the break, more on the fight for who pays what percentage of the Bay area school budget from their taxes, Kyler, our intern, has a story on that bitter fight between townships.  Also, could it start costing more for locals to start parking downtown? Several proposals about parking enforcement are upcoming for the board of selectmen. The Eastern Maine skippers program will kick off the summer this weekend, find out where and what activities they have planned.  And finally, the New England Fishery Management Council is hosting public hearings on numerous proposals at its next meeting, find out what they are and how you can get involved.  All this and more after these commercials.”

*Cut to Commercials*

By Nichollas Courtois, AP Investigative Reporter

In the early morning hours of Monday the 22nd, a gruesome discovery was made on the porch of the esteemed AP citizen Judge Charles Winterbottom. Sources say a severed head of an unidentified woman was left at the judge's home and was found by his assistant, Suki Sakamoto, who called law enforcement.  It's been confirmed by a witness that one of the responding officers, Officer Kerri Oakleaf, recognized the remains but identification of the remains are still under investigation. The APPD was contacted but there has no statement made. 

Details on the case are limited but what has been learned is, decomposition of the decapitated head, revealed the victim has only been deceased between 24-72 hours.  Found on the head was a sharp object that had caused major damage to the tongue and throat.  It appears, due to the jagged marking on the neck that the object used was something like a knife, opposed to an axe or larger object.  

It's been confirmed that Judge Winterbottom had active security cameras on his porch but what was on those tapes is yet to be released.

Judge Winterbottom claims he knows of no one who would be seeking retaliation upon him, though he did admit, "...as a Judge, I am bound to have scorned somebody. It is quite possible, that somebody left it as a warning."  He also confirmed he has no recognition of the victim but reconfirmed in his own words, "...I am sure that there are people who dislike me."'

The judge also released an official statement warning, "...the perpetrator will not escape justice. They will be hunted down and put in prison, where they belong, for a first degree murder, trespassing and violating private property, amongst other things."  When pressed with for further information the judge gave the AP Times a stern warning, threating jail time for any who, "...infringes with an ongoing investigation."  While adding, "...It is quite admirable, not to reveal your sources, without a subpoena. And I do hope that I would not have to issue such a document [unless] the need arises."  Is he making a threat to our rights for a free press? Is the judge truly out for justice, or out to keep his record clean and sweep victims under the proverbial rug?  One can only wonder, but the AP Times will refuse to given to threats and continue to deliver to the public any and all information concerning their safety.  

More information will be given as it is revealed but for now it's reasonable to assume that there is a killer on the streets of the Asphyxiation Point.  Could this be linked to the reported missing body taken from the AP Medical Center only a few weeks before?  Maybe, but until the APPD decides to take reports seriously and reveal what serious threats loom over the AP community we're all at the mercy of the lawless and the violent who continue to evade the inept law enforcement.

​*The familiar static crackle of the channel switching over to AP local 68 once again solidifies into the familiar faces of Ariana Bening and Raymond Wages at the news desk. Both today for some reason wearing the exact same sports coat, though Ariana seems to be wearing a low cut blouse underneath while Raymond has his dark blue power tie.*

Raymond: “…at this time the initial appearance of the gentleman has sparked some debate as he has entered a plea of ‘Not guilty’ to all charges of possession of sexually explicit material of a minor. The man is being held without bail, local officers at the township say that is due to several threats made against his life by concerned citizens. The trial is scheduled to begin this July.”

Ariana: *Shakes her head and frowns* “And we will have more on the aspects of this case from our…legal consultant Mary-Ann Ratering later on in the hour. But for some other news concerning minors we go to Jeannie Webb at the Bay Area Public School District.  Jeannie?”

*The camera cuts to Jeannie Webb standing in the lobby of the District Administrative offices of the Bay Area Public Schools. Behind her somewhat camped out or standing in line or milling about are numerous adults. Some chatting, some just standing there checking the time.*

Jeannie: “thank you Ari, As you can see there’s a crowd already gathering for today’s School board session. Today is the first open session since the budget for the district was submitted for approval, which means that today and most of the sessions in the upcoming weeks will revolve around determining what percentage of this budget will be paid by individual townships in the district.”

*Jeannie turns and motions to the crowd, some of whom wave back, some ignore her and others make faces and ham it up a bit for the news, before overlaid on the screen is a map of the school district.*

Jeannie: *Voiceover* “The people here are representatives of various townships in the Bay Area who are looking to provide their input on just which townships should pay which percentage. As you know all the individual townships in the district send public students to the same schools rather than having individual schools for each, what the district now needs to decide is how much of the money requested in the budget submission will come from each district.” *As she speaks the various townships highlighted on the map show several lines and pie chart percentages which have been previous years data. The Camera then returns directly to Jeannie.*

Jeannie: “The main issue that usually comes up is percentages of the cost being funded from wealthier communities against those who have more children of school age. Not to mention transportation costs for both busing and ferry passes. Sometimes the debate meetings can last all day and well into the evening as various community representatives state their cases and counter-arguments as to why they should pay a different amount.  Considering just the High School is slated for a Two point Eight Eight Million budget for the upcoming year, it’s almost guaranteed to be a bit of a tooth and nail fight.  From the bay Area School District, I’m Jeannie Webb”

*The camera cuts back to Ariana and Raymond at the news desk*

Raymond: “Thank you Jeannie. Sounds like it’s going to get pretty heated over there. “

Ariana: “Parents and money usually ends up that way Raymond.” *She turns to face the side camera as it cues up on her* “Speaking of things getting heated, Wilbert Woods has what you can expect from Mother Nature this week. Wil?”

*The camera cuts to Wilbert Woods standing in front of the radar tracking screen. As he stands there a plastic (obviously) dinosaur wiggle-moves it's way onto the screen behind him and then looks like it's trying to beat him with it's open mouth.  Little word bubbles appear above it's head going "RAWR" And "OM NOM!" Till Wil starts moving and the Dino disappears.*

Wilbert: "Thank you Ari. Wel have a remarkably beautiful weekend ahead of us. Today, sunny clear skies with highs in the near eighties. Dropping down to the mid Sixties tonight.  Tomorrow, more of the same..." *As he says this the image behind him shows a "chibi" Anime version of Wilbert in a Speedo standing on a beach flashing the Peace sign.* "...Temperatures reaching low Eighties in the afternoon and dropping back to high sixties overnight.  Sunday night this storm front moves in and clouds thicken up, making Monday start out overcast with little sun, that keeps the temperature fairly steady in the low Seventies till the afternoon storms arrive and it drops to the upper sixties.  Overnight it'll drop into the low sixties as rainstorms continue."

*He indicates the front of rainstorms moving through on the projection map.  The front "grows" a pair of googly eyes and a word balloon stating: 'Don't touch me there!' As Wil motions to various parts of the front*

Wilbert: "Tuesday we have cloudiness with continued showers, this cold front pushing the rain into the area starts to move in and our temperatures drop into the low sixties to upper fifties for the morning and evening. Showers mostly drift on out as the cold weather hits, with a few lingering and scattered over the area going into Tuesday night.  Wednesday we continue with intermittent showers starting out the morning, becoming a steady rain storm later on in the afternoon.  The high only being about Sixty three as that cold wind keeps moving through the area.  Wednesday night and Thursday look about the same with intermittent rain storms lingering here and there and popping up all across the map as temperatures linger in the cold range."

*The weather map behind Wilbert shows a half-dozen cartoon images of generic people wearing bathing suits with icicles hanging off various body parts and teeth chattering*

Wilbert: "Friday is still overcast in the morning with light rain showers here and there, remaining cloudy but the ran letting up in the evening, the temperature sticking in the middle sixties as the cold front moves onward out of the area.  Saturday the clouds keep lingering heavily overhead, but this does push the temperature back up into the low seventies as they slowly decrease going into the evening, So Sunday the Twenty-eighth as this cold push is out of the area we are back to partly cloudy skies and Upper Seventies for the temperature. "

*The camera cuts back to Raymond and Ariana at the news desk*

Ariana: "Ugh, looks like a final push of cold air from our lovely Canadian neighbors."

Raymond: "Looks like we should have had them build that giant Space Heater huh?"

*They both laugh a bit remembering the story from a while ago about the giant Space heater to stop Canada from sending their cold fronts.*

Raymond: "Well tourist season is upon us, and once again local municipalities are looking for a way to cash in on the boom in transient travelers by way of taxes.  That's right once more a seasonal local tax option is being considered by numerous townships around the bay area and state itself.  Currently there is local tax on restaurants and lodging and other generally considered tourist fares, this option would adjust the tax rate for such during those peak activity months if enacted by the local municipality.  Some would begin in March and go till September, others would start in April and go till October, it all depends on the local ordinance and would cover such things as Hotel lodging, car rental, Boat rental, Eating in a restaurant, getting take out or Delivery of food and grocery services."

Ariana: "Currently the adjustment rate is legally not allowed to exceed two percent during the busy season and proponents say that with all the extra traffic and tourists flocking to the area it would be a real boost to offset the costs of upkeep and utility usage.  As you recall we already covered the water and sewer companies seeking a proposal for a seasonal hike in costs during the peak months earlier in the month.  Detractors state that this tax only benefits industries and areas with more specialized hotel and restaurant facilities and doesn't really assist communities with national parks and open beaches nearly as much which also see a high rise in wear and tear of facilities due to increased tourist traffic. Also hotels and restaurant owners state that such an adjustment causes problems for book keeping and changes in the way they handle their accounts to make certain that the proper amount is paid from the month under such a seasonal tax to a month not."

Raymond:  "Another group who is opposed to this are the so called 'Snow birds' or persons who spend the warmer months residing locally, and travel to southern climates during the winter.  Claiming that they are local residents, but that utility hikes and raised local taxes during their time here is unfair.  The proposal goes to the state next month, and if enacted could show up on the local ballots for enactment this summer and take effect as early as March twenty eighteen.  As usual if you have some insight or opinion to share on this there is a link on our website to Bay Area community speaks forums where you can provide your opinion and read what others are saying about important legislation.  Also restaurant and shop reviews, upcoming events and even a garage sale section where you can buy and sell items with other locals. "

Ariana: "On the subject of tourism, there's a new term being spread around.  Glamping. Now I know what you think, it sounds like some new kind of thing local youth are getting into you have to listen and intervene in."

Raymond:  "In fact when the erm came up at the News topic meeting our producers made it very clear that we were not sending Dean under-cover into the Red Light District again..."

*Both he and Ariana can't help but grin and chuckle a bit at that remembered debacle*

Ariana: "But a Internet search and some discussion later the issue was cleared up and Kaylynn Garcia has that story on just what Glamping is and how it's coming to Maine this summer.  Kaylynn?"

*The screen cuts to Kaylynn Garcia sitting on a large 4 poster bed in what looks like a fairly nice furnished cabin*

Kaylynn: "Summer is a time for camping, fires, marshmallows, sleeping bags and tents. Roughing it out in the middle of the woods or beach, or even trekking out to the middle of nowhere with your recreational vehicle, not so much with delivered fresh lobster and seven-hundred thread count Egyptian cotton sheets."

*She stands up and walks across the floor and pushes on the "wall" to open the flap on a...tent!?!? and steps out in front*

Kaylynn: "Glamping, or 'glamorous camping' is coming to Maine this summer.  Sandy pines, Willow Brook and Bear-trails campgrounds will be furnishing between fifteen and a hundred of these glam tents on their facilities this summer for nightly or weekend rentals.  All are professionally decorated, and feature amenities such as room service, electricity, some will even have local cable channels on high def televisions and improved wifi access."

*She walks down along the rows of large spacious tents spread around, several with various designs indicating a difference*

Kaylynn: "All the tents have themes, Arabian nights, Nomads, Nautical journey and so on.  Also included are mini fridges, fans, some even have rear decks with grills and five or seven of them in a pod will share a communal bathouse with hot water and internal plumbing facilities, including a steam room.  The tents themselves have been equated to being in a luxury hotel room, only inside a tent.  As a bonus for June renters at the start of the season fresh Lobster can be delivered either cooked or live for your own cooking as part of the menu.  The owners of the campground say that this program may continue if there's enough interest in having it on the menu."

*She reaches a central area with a large firepit and numerous benches stools and tables all around arranged like a old theater area*

Kaylynn: "The rentals start at around one fifty a night on up to two ten depending on the date and availability, they suggest you check out the camping site website for booking arrangements.  and for those who still want to do things the old fashoned way, there are still hundreds of primitive and RV sites still at the individual campgrounds.  Though for some the expanded wifi is well worth the additional luxury.  This has been Kaylynn Garcia for Glamping."

*The camera cuts back to Raymond and Ariana in the news room*

Raymond: "Hrm, interesting.  From what I understand the Glamping trend started in Europe and has recently made it's way over to the US in the past year or so.  Also we'd like to remind our viewers that although Glamping may sound amazing, these are still primitive campsites and thus don't have safety or other standards set by building inspectors or the like the same way you would at a actual hotel facility.  You are effectively renting someone else's tent and sleeping in it, so keep that in mind before you book."

Ariana: "Good thing you bring that up ray, as another facility is having health and safety problems of it's own going into the busy season.  For that story we go to Dean Knopinski at Seal Cove Rustic Cabins.  Dean?"

*The camera cuts to Dean standing amid what looks like several dozen log cabins that have been demolished, though on closer inspection it's obvious they are still in the construction phase. and haven't finished being assembled*

Dean:  "Thank you Ari, the owners of Seal cove Rustic Cabins who were looking to expand their facilities this spring by erecting nearly fifty new single cabins and thirty doubles have run into a bit of a hiccup as the permits they had for the old buildings didn't cover the new, and the land they purchased to expand on was in violation of local zoning ordinance for such facilities. Enforcement officers arrived today to issue a cease and desist order for the construction crews.  This spells some bad news as it may close the entire facility for most of the summer and the owners are already ~BLEEEP!!~"

*He exclaims as one of the state police officers comes rushing by on a four-wheeler.  causing Dean to step off the dirt path, and trip over something.  Stumbling a couple of feet to fall head-first into a large concrete foundation still being poured.  landing in the liquid concrete and splashing around like some kind of swamp thing rising up from the murky depths flailing about covered head to toe in the gray fake stone as the camera cuts back to the news desk.*

Raymond: “I’m sure he’s okay.” *He adjusts some papers and turns back to the main camera* “After the break, bridges and ramps for the main byways, which are being delayed on repair and construction and how will this affect your commute? Communities all around the bay area have allocated funds and accepted bids for landscaping, what this means for your taxes and neighborhood. A table saw was reported stolen Friday, where police say it ended up and why.”

Ariana: “All those stories and more after these commercials.”

~Cut to Commercials~

​By Chloe Voss

​Peace in the lower downtown area shattered with the crack of gunfire on Wednesday afternoon. The altercation occurred in the small park just East of Anderson’s and involved an individual with an apparent grudge against the Asphyxiation Point Police Department (APPD). 

This reporter arrived on scene just as foot pursuit began between officers and the suspect. Any need to follow on my own part was cut off when the chase came full circle and ended with a standoff, once again in front of Anderson's. The suspect was using a response vehicle of the APPD as an apparent barricade in an attempt to avoid apprehension. 

Several innocents were caught in the altercation including Xelan Morgath who despite not being APPD ended up in the line of fire, defending herself and her friends with her own weapon. Miss Morgath was arrested in the fall out of the investigation for using a weapon in self-defense, likely a precautionary action by APPD officers as they worked to clear the scene. 

The suspect, whose name is being withheld by authorities, faces criminal charges. Not only did she fire a weapon at APPD but was loudly decrying the department with rhetoric reminiscent of a revolutionary call to arms. Either that or she was high on illegal substances and emulating the punk rock scene of the 1960’s. 

Arresting Officer Ming Yheng, recently promoted to Captain in the APPD was forced to taze the suspect to bring her under control. Asked for comment in regard to the incident the police spokesperson would only confirm that the suspect was in custody, there were thankfully no lasting injuries, and the investigation was ongoing.

​By Phedre Dumouriez

The following is an update on a story reported earlier in the week regarding the recent discovery of an underground network of forgotten shops, apartments and public spaces located directly below the Uptown area Asphyxiation Point. 

Originally, the entrance to this dark, hidden world was through a series of connecting sewer and storm drains; difficult to access, not to mention unsanitary and dangerous. However, thanks to some more shifting and collapsing of Island infrastructure, more resources have been put into clearing out the access points. 

It all started with a response to a 911 call about a fire at the Muffin Tops bakery on Thursday evening. This reporter - being the one to have made the call, ironically enough - was there live and in person for what happened next. As the firefighter who responded dealt with the seemingly easily-controlled blaze, destruction of another sort was occurring right under our feet.

It's not certain what caused the eventual sink hole which opened up under the firetruck and eventually sucked in most of the vehicle into its depths, but the argument was made afterwards for wooden support beams which had rotted over time. 

Just like with the original cave-in that revealed the first arteries of old tunnels leading into this sub-terrain, this next collapse helped to educate construction and city planners on how best to shore up the area so that further erosion would not occur. Work to strengthen the cavern roof and fill in the sink hole continues, but the question still remains...

Now that the tunnels into the area have been cleared, and once the integrity of the area has been re-secured, what then? Even with the warnings, fences and razor-wire, more and more residents have been rumored to be sneaking into the space. If left open, it could find itself the haven for more than just the homeless and hopeless. 

Only time will tell. 

*The familiar buzz of static as local AP Ch 68 cues up for news and weather. The first image is of a car with its front end wrapped around a light post with the rear end smashed up fairly badly as well. Another car with it’s front end torn up sitting off to the side as several flashing lights of Sheriff and emergency crews are on scene. The familiar voice of Raymond Wages speaking over the image.*

Raymond: *Voiceover* “…Seen here where the cars came to rest, the driver of the first vehicle had his wheels turned to make a right at the intersection which is how his car was pushed into the lamp post.”

*The camera cuts back to the news room showing Raymond and Ariana Bening at the news desk.*

Ariana: “The woman driving the car that struck him has not yet been identified by the authorities, however the first driver has stated that he had stopped to let a pedestrian cross when the second car suddenly rear-ended him and sent them both around the corner. Authorities stated that thankfully the pedestrian was missed by the vehicles and was unharmed, There is no stop sign or signal at this intersection, and both drivers are being taken to the hospital for examination. It’s also unknown if drugs or alcohol were involved in this collision.”

Raymond: “And a happy Mother’s day to all those out there who have been called mom.” *The screen behind him shows several pictures in sequence of himself and an older woman who has to be his mother as he gives her a edible arrangement basket, a image of Ariana laying side by side with a similar looking woman with mud mask facials and towels at a spa, Jeannie Webb and another older woman playing what looks like beach Volleyball. * “Just a reminder that though you may appreciate all they did and all they do every day, today is the one to let her know you appreciate it, or at least finally clean all your old things out of her Garage like she’s been asking you to.”

Ariana: *laughs softly and adjusts some papers in front of her* “And it’s not only human mothers who get special notice today.  Some other mothers are getting their pups off to a good start, Kaylynn Garcia has that story. Kaylynn?”

*The camera cuts to the Field reporter standing on a sandy beach with the morning sunlight making the sand and waves sparkle. In the background several dozen baby seal pups can be seen laying on the sand…digging in it with their noses and front flippers. Several are chasing each other in the splashing waves and seeming to play tag, with the water or each other who knows. One rather fat looking one is laying on its back splayed out seeming to take in the sunlight.”

Kaylynn: “Thank you Ari.  As you can see harbor seal pup season has started, which means all the young pups are learning how to swim and catch fish from their mothers. From May to Early July these pups will be a sight on the beaches as their mothers are out foraging for food. The harbor authority has asked us to remind our viewers that it’s best not to approach the pups. You may find them by themselves, or in small groups, and may be tempted to try and help them, but this is not a good idea.”

*The camera shows several close ups of baby harbor seals playing or laying or nudging at the camera with a “nose front’ view*

Kaylynn: *Voiceover* “They look adorable and your heart may be dying to hear them cry and carry on, but like many aquatic mammals, harbor seals are not in distress, they need to spend some time out of the water resting. The pup may approach you, snuggle up and may even try sucking on your shoe, this is normal behavior and doesn’t mean they have been abandoned or need assistance.  Mother harbor seals go out foraging for food and return to the beach they left their baby at to feed it through the day, meanwhile like all babies the pup is developing its muscles and getting a healthy layer of insulating fat.”

*The camera comes back to Kaylynn standing on the Boardwalk with the pups in the background*

Kaylynn: “It’s best to leave the pups alone so as not to scare off the mother. There are rare cases where the pups are actually abandoned by an ill or injured mother, or she dies while out foraging. In this case fish and wildlife wardens are trained to assist and help the pup. If you think a Pup has been abandoned you can call the number below, or on our website, and contact a member who can come out and assess the situation.  Do not approach, touch or try and put the pup back in the ocean, like many babies they need rest and if they are on land, they are most likely resting. Do not pour water on the pup or feed it, at this young age the pup is still developing it’s insulating under layer and may not be able to handle cold seawater or digest anything other than milk. And amazingly enough Seals are lactose intolerant so giving them cow’s milk as a surrogate mother may just make them sick!”
*The camera splits to show the newsroom again with Kaylynn on the other side*

Ariana: “Lots of good information, and Oh they look so adorable!”

Kaylynn: “I know I just want to go play with them, but it is illegal to touch harass or harm any marine mammal in the United states, so I guess I’ll just have to watch from back here.  This has been Kaylynn Garcia beachfront.” *The camera cuts from split screen back to the news desk*

Raymond: “Thank you Kaylynn. Now as we all know a lot of people make elaborate plans and try and surprise their mothers with a surprise brunch or picnic or other gathering. To tell us what the weather has in store for today and the next couple of days, here’s Tammi Bean standing in for Wilbert Woods. Tammi?”

*The camera cuts over to the perky blond wearing what looks like an overly long sweater that goes down to above her knees. As the camera cues up she blinks surprised and then smiles big*

Tammi: “HiiiIIIII! Everybody!” *waving excitedly at her own reflection in the camera lens* “As you can tell it’s one of my favoritist times of the Whole year!” 8She speaks with just a tint of Awe to her voice like it’s some big revelation* “And that time, as you may recall is….” *She fumbles a bit…the microphone making some scruffing noises as she starts yanking the sweater-dress up over her head and holds it up triumphantly revealing the silver and black Bikini underneath* “….BIKINI TIME!”

*On the screen behind her the words “BIKINI TIME” in big swollen balloon lettering bounces around like it’s dancing as she twirls the dress overhead before throwing it off screen.*

Tammi: “That’s right, time to pack up all those nasty itchy thick winter cold weather things and break out the Bikini! Now I know what you are wondering…You are wondering ‘Well Tammi…what kind of Bikini is right for me? Stripes?  Polka-dots?’ Well never fear, Here’s my suggestions!  Polka dots are okay, but if you have a light suit and dark dots you may get some strange looks till they get in close enough to see you actually don’t have like six…” *She motions to her own substantial chest obviously meaning nipples* “I tend to like a good set of contrasting stripes or a solid color just to avoid the problem.  As for thickness….”  *She pauses as someone speaks to her from off camera*

Tammi: “OoooOOOOOh…right I’m supposed to be telling you what days are best for wearing the bikini rather than what one to wear.” *She giggles* “Silly Tammi…” *She licks her lips and puts on her “Serious face” putting her hands together in front of her like how Wilbert tends to do to start off his weather report, which does nothing to keep her chest from pressing together and sticking out. as the daily weather-track images pop up on the screen behind her*

Tammi: Oooh somebody got all the moms a nice week ahead. lots of poofy clouds and sunbeams, and all kinds of little circles! Starting out today it looks like lots of poofy clouds with Sixty seven little circle, but after night time it looks like it drops down to fifty nine little circles with some icky rain.  But that's okay cause who wears their bikini on the beach at night right?" 8She giggles as the weather track moves on*

Tammi: "Tomorrow, more clouds and poofiness, and some scattered showers." *She looks confused for a minute* "Aren't showers taken in the bathroom? Oh wait they have showers at the Gym...and the beach and the spa...okay that makes sense then. But the big thing is we get up to seventy-three little circles despite all the showers, and overnight the temperature holds onto sixty seven little circles and no rain just moonbeams.

Tammi: "The bestist part of the week is after Tuesday tho, when it's all sunbeams and small clouds with the little circles staying between sixty five at night and Seventy nine during the daytime! " *She points and motions to the parts on the map all excitedly making everything jiggle for the camera* "So those are the days to go and use your bikini knowledge at the beach!" *She puts on one of those stern "pout" faces as she holds up a finger* "And don't forget to use good Sunscreen, see you at the beach!"

*Another giggle and she blows a kiss to the camera as it cuts back over to Raymond and Ariana sitting at the news desk, both not entirely certain what just happened.  Ariana regains her composure first and clears her throat*

Ariana: "Ah...yes...Thanks...Tammi, as always that was....enjoyable."  *She obviously kicks Raymond under the table when he Snickers a bit at Ariana's Dry tone and something off camera. Most likely Tammi taking Ari's comment at face value and being perky and cheerful even more*

Raymond: *Grunts as he's kicked* "The sailing club, who call themselves the Wharf Rats, from the local High School competed in the Marblehead open and according to Jeannie Webb, they are bringing back some big news. Jeannie?"

*The Camera cuts to Jeannie standing on the dockside with all manner of sailboats being tied up and packed up or unloaded, behind her sitting on the side of a local School bus are several dozen boys and girls half hanging out the windows hooting and hollering holding up a trophy*

Jeannie: "That's right Ray, as you can see behind me the Wharf Rats took Second place in the overall timed trials, but claimed First boat across the line, and even extra points for having no boats fail the courses. Which meant they tied for first place in invitational!"  *She turns at the announcement to Fist-pump at the kids who break into new hoots and hollers and cheers*  "This means this team beat out the Marblehead High Founders, the Richard Stevens Academy Privateers, the Roger Williams High Skipping Clams and the Hampton Falls Broadsiders.  They tied in points with the Tabor Academy Irregulars and for the next year the title will be held by both schools.  No Bay area sailing team has taken First place since the first invitational forty years ago.  WHARF RATS!" *She cheers and most of the kids behind her stick their noses up and paw at the air like rats clawing at something as the camera cuts back to the news desk*

Raymond:  "Certainly cause for Celebration.  Closer to home, after the recent inclimate weather and people buying new replacement or first time emergency equipment, Dean Knopinski has been following a story currently on the State Legislature about disposal about something really important."

*The camera shows several bouts of archived footage of ships and boathouses and even a couple of cars burning uncontrollably with Dean Speaking in voice-over*

Dean: *Voice-over* "If you are out on a boat, or lost in the woods, or end up with a flat tire and need to make sure people can find you or notice you, flares and other such devices can be a lifesaver.  however many times people don't check the expiration dates, test them to make sure they still work, or dispose of them properly and merely stick them away somewhere, and the results, can be devastating."

*The camera Cuts now to Dean himself standing along side the Coast Guard pier holding his microphone*

Dean: "Even here at the local coast guard office, there's no state mandated location or procedure for disposal of flares." *He holds out the mic to one of the officers who smiles and then shrugs*

CG Officer: "That's right, for ourselves and several other guard offices around the coast we take the ones that are near expiring or are the oldest when we get new supplies and take them out during the daylight hours and set them up to burn and detonate on a barge that we are retiring to help build man-made reefs out in the gulf. Elsewhere, they'd have set procedures from the state or county on disposal, Which is why we can currently get away with that kind of controlled explosion disposal, but it does mean we can't accept old supplies from private or commercial ships who need to get rid of their own supplies."

Dean: "The Criminal Justice and Public Safety committees for the Maine Legislature are currently going over proposals to submit for full referendum that would put proper disposal programs in pla...."  *He's cut off as suddenly what looks like a Takeout coffee Hits him square in the face and Bursts soaking him in the brew as somebody off mic can be heard Screeching.  Coming into view wielding her oversized purse like a battle-axe or morning star beating Dean about the head shoulders and anywhere she can get a target on is a lady who has to be in her mid Sixties or so, silvery-white hair intermixed with the Dark, like any number of older ladies you see anywhere.*

Mrs. Knopinski: "You ~BLEEP BLEEP~  Son of a ~BLEEP BLEEEP BLEEEEEEP~ FLARE DISPOSAL!  Your Sister Sent me A Card and Your Brother Had the Decency to Call but All I get from you is a ~BLEEEP BLEEEEEEP~ Text ~BLEEP~ Message and not even a 'Hi Ma' For the Camera! You UNGRATEFUL!" *She continues going through her tirade while beating upon Dean more and more. *

Dean: "Ma...No...I...Ow!  Could You...OW....OW....Take the Rocks out of the Bag First Ma...OW!"

*The camera cuts away from the scene back to the news desk where Ariana is giggling and Raymond is doing his best to look serious*

Raymond: "A good cautionary story on how we may soon have a way to handle explosives...Explosive tempers will take some more research and legislation it seems."

Ariana:  "Halfway through this week the newly retrofitted docks are expecting their first arrival of a major cruise ship. our Favorite Intern Kyler Victors has some details.  Kyler?"

*The camera cuts to the fidgety intern doing his best to hold still and speak slowly standing down at the longer Reception area with the Closed off pier behind him. The entire place is strung up with blue and green and yellow crepe paper strands in the colors of the cruise line.*

Kyler: "Yes Miss Bening, Err Ariana, This Wednesday between Seven AM and 3 PM the first Cruise liner will drop anchor here at port. We know the name of the ship is the Amadoa of the Dawn Skimmer Cruise line LTD company.  It's a small ship with only Eight hundred passengers and Four hundred Crew, but a good test of the new docking and passenger facilities that have been in the works here and a nice boost to the local attractions. Many of the local restaurants and tourist spots have ordered in extra supplies in anticipation of a rush.  The ship will remain docked for Three days and depart on Saturday to continue it's trip Northward to visit several locations in Canada.  This has been Kyler Victors for Local 68 News."

Ariana: “Exciting news, thank you Kyler. “ *She shifts position to address the second camera as it shifts to that view* “Spring cleaning is in full swing, and there’s good news for those of you with lots of big bulky items that need disposed of.  The Council of Selectmen has adopted a plan to help get rid of those big things just gathering dust or otherwise needing gotten rid of.  The number below or at our website you can call this week and next and have them picked up! For all those wondering, I did already check and deadbeat boyfriends and husbands are not covered by this service, no matter their tonnage.” *She flashes a sly grin at the camera.*

Raymond: *Chuckles softly at her joke* “The Highway Division will be picking up large items curbside by appointment all this week with the exception of Tuesday and Thursday between the hours of seven AM and Six PM, and next week with the exception of Wednesday and Friday. The items do have to be out at the curb for pickup, they will not be coming into a house or garage to help you move it.  There is a list of day labor companies who have volunteered special rates for two to four man teams who will help you get the waste items out of your home and to the curb for pickup. That phone number you can see on the screen below.”

*The camera picks back up with the main desk view as Raymond turns to direct his attention towards the audience.*

Raymond: “After the break, taking the long way? You may not have much of a choice as road crews are expected to close the main highway around the island down to one way. What you can expect in the way of detours when they do. Also, can’t find a parking space? How one woman is being cited for abandoning her vehicle in the middle of an intersection. And speaking of abandoned vehicles - looks like the local Asphyxiation Point Fire Department is still having issues getting one of their firetrucks out from a sink hole that appeared uptown. More on that story and the underground discovery that followed after these messages.”

~*Cut to Commercials*~

​By Phedre Dumouriez

Recent efforts to unclog the storm drains that caused flooding at the Below the Belt Boxing Gym led to an unexpected discovery. Details are still fuzzy as to the how and why, but it would appear that the the entire tourist district that was supposed to have been destroyed and built over in the 50s was in fact preserved underground. 

To clarify on the last story that was run about the event, the flooding was NOT caused by sewer back up from the new Casino. In fact, the actual origins of the clog is not 100% certain - though it may have been from last month's hurricane or the shifting of earth from the landslide. In any case, the damage was done and dozens of volunteers along with officials arrived to help clean it up. 

Joshua Treeman was one such volunteer who was called to the scene to assist. When discussing the discovery with this reporter, he had the following to say: "Going through the tunnels I turned the corner and yelled a few expletives as I saw a large pile of bricks and dirt clogging up the tunnel. We discussed a few options such as a barge/boats to help clear it, and [someone] mentioned opening the top from the road but that was shot down pretty quickly. In the end we decided bucket brigade to be the best option." 

The 'we' in question was retired Newton Construction manager, Charles Kuluk and the owner of the Gym, Riley Urquhart.

Mr. Treeman continued with: "As more folks showed up we made a decent hole pretty quickly. That's when Riley told me to take a look as he held his light on the other side. There was a large opening which made no sense of course.  We glanced at each other and decided to adventure a little farther into the darkness. That's when we saw a large...I don't know...Abandoned town.  Collapsed, run down building and such."

It was this description that encouraged this reporter to do a little investigating of her own - once the rubble had been cleared and the waste waters had mostly receded.

Upon arrival down in this underground haven for the homeless and hopeless of Asphyxiation Point, it was clear to see that the area was not as abandoned as first thought. I was hoping to find signs of life - including that of one "Old John O'Graydy' - whom Mr. Treeman had told me appeared to have been living in the ruins for years, trading homemade moonshine in exchange for food stuffs from locals he trusted. 

But a homeless old man was not what was found. Instead, it was a case of hypoxia - due to the unclean and lack of air in certain parts of this hidden-away den. The island truly did live up to its name in those frightening moments, and had it not been for the preparedness and quick thinking of my guide at the time, this reporter may not have returned above ground to deliver this story. 

Which leads one to wonder... if it was that easy for an elderly gentleman to enter and exit the area at will, with such unsafe living conditions, what could happen should others less wary and inexperienced find this dark and dangerous hide-a-way? 

Messages have been left for city planners and the APPD to see what they intend to do with the area - either leave it be or block off the ease of access from the public. The Times will continue to investigate and share details once more information has been uncovered. 

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