Among the many changes in businesses on our island as of late, Below the Belt Gym has also gained a new owner. Sonia D’Infinity recently took over the building and has done some great work to get the place cleaned up and even temporarily got rid of the typical stale sock smell! 

    She has a few trainers currently on staff, including the town’s favorite stripper, Bruno Caffarelli, who was happy to do a little flexing for the crowd. Sonia is currently working on bringing on more instructors to hold your typical classes as well as self defense. 

    There is no better time to perfect that beach body than now! You've got everything from weights to yoga to mma fighting to pick from, swing by today and grab a membership!

Contributed by Kara Dumitru

     The RLD has long been thought of as gang territory with the heavy Mamba presence, but with their departure, a new face is being shown. The street seems a little quieter and the people seem a little friendlier. Maybe this is a change for the better?

   One of the recent changes is who is in charge of the Red Room that has lead the place to go from someplace you might come out either on a stretcher or with a venereal disease to a place that seems inviting enough to go back to. The smell of rich leathers and exotic oils greets you, the girls are encouraging rather than pushy, and the experiences are not to be missed.The Madam in charge, Brigitia O’Doherty, has a long career in the adult industry and a pension for cleanliness. While a little older, Miss Bri is able to keep all the girls on their toes and teach them a thing or two. 

  Among the many parties they seem to be having, the Red Room is also teaming up with one of the local psychiatrist to hold sessions to discuss the psychological side of kinks and how this affects acceptance in ‘normal’ society. There will also be the occasional hypnosis session for those interested! Miss Bri has also mentioned that she’s going to be working with the owner of Pandora’s Box to produce a few adult films and hold some photo sessions. 

   With all the new changes, future plans, and encouraging of officers to patrol the area, has the Red Light District become softer or is it just an act to hide the debauchery that may still continue in the shadows?

Contributed by Kara Dumitru

Gun shots ring through the air, breaking the revere of what we would love to think of as beautiful city. The screams of bystanders fill the air. And first responders rush to the scene. That should be the beginning of a process that puts criminals behind bars, right? Well, here in Asphyxiation Point, many crimes stop right there.

Why, you ask? Simply put, we are lacking in necessary city officials to a degree that it is halting our judicial system. And what citizens want to know is ... Do we just not have enough people to fill the slots? Or are the officials in place purposefully not filling the open slots?

As many of you know, Asphyxiation Point has been swarmed by rival gangs and opportunist criminals. And while every city has it's own crime rate, ours seems to be skyrocketing. But why are we being taken over? According to Officer Phokos, "Policing is becoming difficult without a present judge and a DA." And according to my sources, those aren't the only positions open.

She goes on to explain, "We can't get warrants for one thing."

Warrants, one of the most integral elements when it comes to moving forward on any case when you need to find evidence, and our police force is being left to try to bring this growing criminal empire to it's knees without having the ability to gather all the evidence needed? Somehow, it's hard to believe that this would go on.

So, what is it that our city officials are doing about this obvious lack in assignments? Are they overlooking incoming applications for the position? Is this on purpose to sabotage our city? Or is it some unfortunate oversight that is being passed over because of bureaucracy overload?

Hailey Marshall, an Asphyxiation Point citizen said, "In order to function properly, a city needs balance.  Like when you make a sandwich, you won't put cheese on one end and meat on the other." 

In regards to our city lacking these roles, she goes on to say, "I hope your article will light a fire under everyone's butts to better play the roles they are meant to play in this city."

Those words coming from a citizen in Asphyxiation Point says a lot. So, I continued to ask around, trying to get to the bottom of this. How come our city is being left unguarded in some of the legislative ways? Why are people not getting hired? For that matter, why are people not getting promoted?

I asked Officer Eli Vincente, one of Asphyxiation Point's finest. His response was simply, "For questions regarding this, you will have to get a statement from the media relations director. Unfortunately that position isn't filled due to budget shortfalls."

And if that doesn't say it all, I don't know what will. So, if you're vying for that promotion, stand up and demand to be considered. If the election hasn't happened for an official position, push to make it so. We can't keep working with a system without these important positions being filled. And if there's resistance? Demand to know why. It's time to find out if these positions are being kept unfilled because of corruption or not. It's time we all do our part to make Asphyxiation Point safe again.

Contributed by Nora Adara

Not for watering down the drinks or the short hemlines of the barstaff outfits, Patrons Monday at Anderson's, a local establishment that most are quite familiar with, if only by the somewhat rough reputation, were shocked when two heavily armed unidentified men stormed into the establishment and abducted a currently unidentified man from the premises.  

Before they departed, they opened fire dealing property damage and injuring two other patrons.  The police have yet to release a statement on this assault and kidnapping, but other sources have identified the two locals who were injured by gunfire. One Kael Firehawk, and a minor local celebrity Deirdre McMinnar, Olympic Sailor two times running for Canada, who also owns the local Computer store, Laserbytes.  

Neither have sustained life threatening injuries it seems, but are reported to have been shocked and a little shaken by the incident. The Police department still has not released any information concerning who was abducted, the motives or anything regarding the incident at all. 

If more information becomes available this reporter promises that you faithful readers, will be the second to know about it. 

By: Orville Huff, Freelance Correspondent

​Today, Mid Town had an unpleasant surprise when they stepped out of their doors. Residents and visitors were greeted with the stench of a freak sewage leak over at The Last Chance Gas and Garage that seemed to permeate the entire area. The odorous waste material had spilled all the way across the business's parking lot and out onto the street.

Officer Phokos was observed to be on the scene. shortly after, firefighters arrived and worked to contain and dispose of the mess as quickly as possible. Bystanders looked on as the scene was contained.

We, here at Asphyxiation Point Times, certainly hope that the owners can find the source of the leak and stem the flow of sewage from happening again. Otherwise, someone will be in deep... so to speak.

Television gives us the bright and happy side of life in suburbia, something some of the citizens of Asphyxiation Point are familiar with. A world where you step outside in the morning, stretch and maybe even walk to work, not fearing anything. Not even the neighbor's dog, who you stop to pat on the head on your way by. Other parts of town, people don't have it so easy, sure. There's always danger in the rough parts. But I learned today that citizens of Asphyxiation Point have something more to fear than most cities, and it goes by the name of The Immortals.

Some people ask, are we ever truly safe with evil everywhere? Today, I can say with confidence that we are not.

As I stood outside the Asphyxiation Point Times office two people approached me, seemingly harmless and friendly. Then, with a flip of a switch, I found myself pinned to the wall by my throat as the man allowed the woman to stab me. And what's worse? They took the time to enjoy, relish and bask in their actions, even toying with my wound.

I'm sorry if this scares some of you. But when it comes down to it? You should be. Their message was hate, fear, violence and anger. They spoke of gods of evil - Hades, Nyx and Erebus. And as I was treated for my wounds and the police took my statement, I heard more than one story from others who had also been attacked by members of this "family", as they called themselves.

The people that attacked me? A man and a woman. He was handsome, but don't let that fool you. He wore all black, his hair shaved on the sides, and he was tattooed. And while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, his very essence was seething with evil. The woman? She was blonde and pretty with plenty of scars. A pain fairy is all I thought of when she was enjoying her task. And with only one eye. But I assure you, they are not alone folks. These two surely belong to a greater evil that is spreading through our city like a plague.

Their motive to attack me? They wanted me to make sure you all not only knew their "family" name but also their message.

Should you continue to step outside your homes, free of worry and full of optimism for your day? Or should you cower and fear this group? Well, I suppose you have to decide that for yourself. But rest assured, they are lurking in the shadows, and they are not afraid to strike in the daylight. From all of the accounts I've gathered, if they set their sights on you, you will not see it coming. It's not for me to tell you what to do. It's purely for me to give you their message...

Fear The Immortals.

Contributed by Nora Adara (jstjdysl619)

​*Once again the familiar channel surfing brings up the CH 68 Local news. The opening picture is of Jeannie Webb standing at the familiar Coast Guard dispatch docks with a half-submerged fishing boat with crews attaching “floaties” to the sides to keep it from going fully under.*

Jeannie: “…in the vicinity of Bear Island when the captain radioed for assistance with the ship taking on water around noon. The boat hit a submerged object and started flooding more than the pumps could handle. The Coast Guard dispatched support craft and additional pumps and were able to tow the boat back to dock safely. None of the crew were hurt, and once the floatation bumpers are installed the boat will be towed by a tug to the drydock facilities where it can be inspected and hopefully repaired. This has been Jeannie Webb.”

*The camera cuts back to the AP Ch 68 newsroom with Ariana Bening and Raymond Wages at the news desk.*

Raymond: “Once again the Coast Guard comes in to save the day. I wonder what they hit? I’d say it was Nessie, but we’re a bit far from Scotland.”

*Ariana gives him a wry look even as she chuckles*

Ariana: “Could be, but with the way the weather has been of late, it could have been anything and they just couldn’t see it with all the silt stirred up.  Speaking of what to expect, here’s Wilbert Woods back finally and ready to give us the forecast. Welcome back Wil, what does the wind surfing forecast have in store?”

*The camera cuts over to Wilbert Woods wearing his usual stylish suit and tie at the Weather center, only a strapped on neck brace and his firm positioning stance shows he’s strapped into a full back brace beneath the jacket to keep from further damaging his spine.*

Wilbert: “Well I don’t know about Wind surfing for the near future, but we do have some good news on the weather front.”

*The green screen behind him shows a Photoshopped image of Wilbert as some kind of cyborg with blank robotic stare and a word balloon: “Beep beep, all your weather is belong to us, beep” floating above it. As usual it doesn’t seem to be the same image Wil sees on his monitor.*

Wilbert: “The cold front that had been moving through the area finally passes through later on today and early tomorrow, making it a Chilly but sunny Saturday with the highs in the Upper sixties, and lows in the upper fifties overnight.  Sunday we start off with clear skies and sunshine, with several clouds trailing in the wake of that front blowing in by the afternoon, pushing the temperature up into the upper seventies with moderate winds in the fifteen to twenty-five miles per hour range.  Overnight the temperature drops to the mid-sixties.  Monday, those clouds stick around causing the temperature to keep rising, reaching a high in the low eighties, later on in the afternoon several scattered thunderstorms develop here and there, but don’t linger around too long.  This intermittent rain and storms will continue on into the night, though the temperatures remain high only dropping to the upper sixties.”

*He keeps indicating several bouts of weather on the radar with his hand showing the clouds moving through and fading back out. Here and there little cartoon figures seem to be wind-surfing on the clouds only to be “smacked” off and crash as Wil motions to them.*

Wilbert: “Tuesday morning those storms begin to pass on out, and the temperature reaches the mid Eighties in the afternoon with the skies clearing out.  Overnight it stays warm and in the low seventies. Wednesday and Thursday both are warm and with mostly sunny skies temperatures in the upper eighties perhaps even hitting the ninety degree mark on Thursday afternoon.  Later on Thursday those clouds roll back in causing intermittent lingering showers and a couple of storms that may get a little close to severe after the midnight hour.  Those showers stick around into Friday morning causing a bit of a Chill from the rain and winds dropping the temperatures back into the upper sixties, sticking around into Saturday with a High of the low Seventies later on Saturday afternoon. Those showers continue on into the nighttime hours and should make for a wet and colder weekend.  Remember you can download and install the local weather app on your phone from the link on our website.”

*The camera cuts back to Ari and Raymond*

Ariana: “Not a bad prospect for getting out and doing some things during the week. I bet that’s the kind of news our field reporters like to hear.”

Raymond: “Naturally, and with the cold front moving on out, so has fishing season for the Atlantic Menhaden.  With that story we go to Dean Knopinski."

*The camera cuts to a moderate Fishery where workers are unloading fishing ships with buckets of silvery-white Fish some the size of a hand others at least a foot long being scooped out of the holding tanks and transported into the waiting fishery.  Dean stands outside wearing a poncho despite the weather and looking a little distrustfully at the various goings on.*

Dean: "Uhrm yes of course.  The Atlantic Menhaden, also known as the Pogy, isn't a fish usually used for eating.  It's usually processed into fertalizer, pet food, and Fish oil of which it's abundant.  Likewise smaller fishermen that catch them will turn around and sell them as bait for other types of fishing.  This has been the case since the times of the natives, and it's even commonly believed that Squanto demonstrated how to use it for fertilizer for the Pilgrims when they were settling."

*He Jumps to the side as one of the Ropes used to guide the buckets flops down with a wet SPLOOSH where he had just been standing*

Dean: "Ah..Um..Well anyways, The Fish at one time had a massive dwindling population due to over fishing and other causes, so a strict limit  of nearly two-hundred thousand pounds is in place to prevent over-fishing of the species. They have just reached that level according to the latest tallies and the season is considered closed."

*Suddenly without warning one of the Buckets moving around from the ship veers and hits against a guide-rail.  Dean glances up and Lets out something that the Censors ~BLEEP~  out and Jumps back.  The bucket of squirming thrashing fish tips over and dumps itself all over where he had been standing.  Those with a Quick eye will see him looking almost triumphant for a minute before he realized he stepped back out of the way right of the side of the dock and as the camera races over to look down into the water he can be seen bobbing around in the oily grimy filled with fish scales and other detritus pumped out of the hold for unloading that's floating on the water below.  Before the camera cuts back to the News Desk.*

Raymond: "I'm sure he'll be okay.  But amazingly enough speaking of things in the water, Kaylynn Garcia has an interesting story from Avalon National park, Specifically Bar Island.  Kaylynn?"

*The camera cuts to Kaylynn as she stands out among the various little natural carved benches and trails anyone familiar with bar Island would know of.*

Kaylynn:  "Thank you Ray, Many know bar Island as a place for picnics, summertime walks and secluded beaches where many a marriage proposal has been made.  But the national park service has changed it's policies should you find yourself stranded."

*The image shows a CGI modded map of the Island and park shoreline.  Showing a Strip of Sandbar that appears at Low tide and then sinks beneath the water during High-tide as Kaylynn speaks in voiceover*

Kaylynn:  ~Voiceover~ "Bridge Path, or the Sand bar that connects the island to the mainland at low tide is the only way to get from the park to the island on a regular basis. Staying that way for over nine hours once the tide rolls in, in the past if you missed the tide and couldn't get off the island, you could call the park service and they would send a boat out to pick you up.  Due to rising costs and frequency of visitors the park service will no longer offer this service except in cases of extreme emergency, and has instead contracted with a water-taxi service, whose number is provided on the signs warning visitors not to miss the tide, to come and pick them up.  The cost for pickup and delivery back to the park entrance, which is the only place they can safely dock and offload passengers, runs about a hundred and fifty dollars per person. "

*The camera cuts back in to Kaylynn as she stands there near the visible stone and dirt bar that runs across the small islet.*

Kaylynn: "Likewise new no parking signs have gone up on the Bar, indicating that vehicles should not be parked there, but some have taken to ignoring these and park there anyway.  The National park service has started issuing fines for illegal dumping of banned materials at sea for vehicles stranded on the bar or that are washed out into the ocean, starting at ten-thousand dollars and not including the cost that the owner of the vehicle must pay to have the vehicle retrieved from the water. This is hopeful to help decrease the amount of cars being parked illegally and as a deterrent to the same.  Hopefully this will mean less salvage ships pulling up wrecks from the bottom that can diminish the natural beauty of this island.  From Bar Island, this is kaylynn Garcia, who is going to get back to the park before i get stuck over here."

*She winks and grins and the camera cuts back to the news desk once more*

Raymond: “And here I thought taking a cab in Boston required a third mortgage on the house. I wonder when Halo, or the other rideshare companies will start branching out into the water-taxi business.”

Ariana: “That does sound like an interesting thought.”  *She smiles and turns to face the side camera as it re-centers on her* “We have a correction for a story we ran previously.  Earlier on the news we reported twelve dead members of the Lefty Lane Gang who were found gutted and on display in a residential home over the week. This is inaccurate and is actually two different stories that due to some confusion in research and writing for our show got pressed together.  The twelve members of the Lefty Lane were in fact found dead, but local officers claim it looks more like a falling out between members that had them kill each other. The part about gutted and display came from a separate story about a half dozen display homes for a model community that were damaged.  A semi-truck driver fell asleep and ended up driving through the homes gutting them in the process.  Nobody was hurt since they were model homes for display purposes, but the damage was estimated to be nearly three-quarters of a million dollars.  Our Producers advised us of this discrepancy and we apologize for the misleading report.” *She flashes a smile at the camera that does it’s best to look genuine.*

Raymond: “Well sounds like both departments need to get some more coffee in them before they sit down to write and research.” *He adjusts a couple of papers in front of him* “Up next, Several plans for new cellular towers in the bay Area, and how this may affect your service as well as your bill. Also, Spam posters on Chadslist dot com, why are they there, why do they do it and why are they so bad at it. All that, and more, after these commercials.”

*Cuts to Commercials*

​*As usual the station tunes into the local Channel 68 news and weather with a slight crackle of static as it fades in on Ariana Bening and Raymond Wages at the main news desk.*

Raymond: “Oh, I hope he keeps his mouth closed and doesn’t swallow any of that…”

Ariana: “Ouch! Well I guess that’s why the city department of utilities advises people not to go freelance exploring in the discovered underground.  That rusted metal plank certainly wasn’t up to the task of holding Dean up.”

Raymond: “I’m sure he’ll be fine once he can climb out and they hose him off.  Either that or he’ll follow the current to the processing facility and they’ll get him there.”  *He adjusts a couple of papers in front of him and turns to a side camera* “In other news, Longtime Northeast Harbor summer resident and former National Security Advisor to President Jimmy Carter, Zbigniew Brzezinski passed away at a hospital in Virginia on May 26. He was 89 years old.”

Ariana: “He was born in Poland, rose to become one of the foremost foreign policy experts in the country. He enjoyed entertaining family and friends at his local summer home, “Tranquility Base.” Brzezinski was a familiar face at local lectures and libraries. His memoir, “Power and Principle,” was published in 1983, and due to donations to the local school system the Bay area middle school has a computer workshop and research station in their library named after him.”

Raymond: “Our condolences go out to his surviving family and friends for their loss. On another note, Wilbert Woods is still out due to pulling a muscle in his back at the Wind surfing competition he was at over the weekend, so here with some brighter news on the weather is Tammi Bean.  Tammi?"

*The camera cuts on over to Tammi standing at the Weather station with a big Grin on her face and she waves across the studio to Raymond. *

Tammi: "Thaaaanks Ray!"

*Speaking as if she doesn't have a Mic pinned to her chest and you can just catch sight of Ray wincing as his earpiece picks up her call clearly.  Steadying herself with her "Serious" Look aka the Feet planted together arms at her sides and Pouty lips with just the corner of her tongue sticking out the side as she prepares to be all serious about the weather.*

Tammi: "Okay...So all that rain we were having overnight, well that stuffs gonna stick around unfortunately. It makes the thermometer stay with only sixty seven or so little circles all through the day so it's gonna be a day to wear the extra thick bra." *She nods sagely* "Extra padding in front to keep from getting sore.  This is going to be how things are for the next couple of days.  Lots of Clouds and Some bits of the rain falling keeping those circles in the Low areas.  I think on Friday we have thunderstorms and a higher little circle into the Seventy Five area. "

*She presses a button on the remote and an animated weather track shows up indicating that cold front line blowing into the area from the West*

Tammi: "And no wonder...the big blue line is going to come sweeping on through!  I mean look at it it's just WHOOSH...Blowing on in....I'll have to take down my laundry so it doesn't get knocked over....I don't have anything that goes with that color...So yes...big blue line due to come in over the end of the week so make sure you bring in anything too tall just in case it flies too low overhead.  And I feel sorry for those of you who have tall houses...this thing looks ginormous! Probably take those towers off and OH The Lighthouse...Somebody needs to call the mayor and let him know about this thing!"

*As she babbles the Screen behind her changes to the Weekly rundown indicating most of the days of the week as being cloudy and occasional storms scattered about.  Thursday and Friday show Thunderstorms on the Readout....the temperatures lingering between the Mid Fifties and upper Sixties with occasional showings in the low Seventies on those days with the storms as the cold front moves into the area and On through.  Winds seem to be in the Mild range with occasional bursts but nothing that Shows a Wind warning.  Sunday and Monday of next week seem to clear up and show Sunshine indicators on them as the temperature gets back up into the upper seventies as those days roll around. *

Tammi: 'So make double sure you lock down the windows and pull in those pets and maybe do something to keep it off your roof cause that's a big blue line that's coming right on in.  Oh I'm so glad my apartment is on the first floor!"  8She blinks a bit as someone talks to her from the side*  "Oh yes...this has been weather, back to you ari...I have to go call the mayor..."

Ariana: “Um…yes…thank you Tammi.”

Tammi: “Wel-Come!” *She can be heard replying before her mic is turned off taking Ari’s thanks at face value*

Raymond: “Well with that it looks like the upcoming Lions Club Bike Rodeo will have a good Saturday for it.  We go to Jeannie Webb who is at the site where they are setting up for the various events. Jeannie?”

*The camera cuts to Jeannie wearing elbow pads and holding a bike helmet standing next to an open space with several BMX types practicing tricks and bouncing on their front or rear tires in the background*

Jeannie: “Thanks Raymond, this Saturday the Bay area Lions club and local police departments are gearing up for the annual Bike Rodeo. Such events as the slow race, the wheelie competition, the bunny hop and many more.”

*The camera shows video from last year’s event with Jeannie trying to keep from putting her foot down or falling over in the “Slow race” and a video of her pulling up for a wheelie in the “longest wheelie” competition only to have her lose control, the bike slip out from under her and as she lets go of the handlebars the bike goes crashing into Dean who was on the sidelines as Jeannie talks in voiceover*

Jeannie: ~Voiceover~ “The annual event takes place this Saturday at the bay area Public festival grounds from Ten AM to Five PM, The last time to sign up for events is half an hour before they begin.  There are classes on bicycle safety, rules of the road, upkeep and how to check for wear and tear, and more.  Also the local PTA group intends on having their cookout pot-luck in the park at the same time so there’ll be food and festivities a plenty!”

*The camera cuts back to her directly*

Jeannie: “Also this year several of the BMX Stunt Troupe have come down to put on several shows of skill and display numerous tricks. As always they talk with the kids about how it takes years of practice to get this good to try and head off any bad accidents. Everyone should come on down and enjoy the festivities!  From the public festival grounds, I’m Jeannie Webb.”

*The camera cuts back to Raymond at the news desk*

Raymond: “Sounds like it’s going to be a fun time. After the break, parking uptown this summer you may feel like you are being watched. How parking enforcement is setting up stakeouts to make sure time limits are strictly enforced. Six casks of imported liquor went missing from the docks, we'll have the story on where they ended up.  all that and more after the break."

*Cut to commercials*