Ask Alexis is a weekly column for readers to submit questions about love, sex, relationships, and other matters of the heart. Each week, some of the more interesting submissions will be answered here by AP's resident expert, Alexis Diamond. For this first column, three questions were posed based on real situations.
Dear Alexis. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over four years now, and while I know he loves me, he won't say it. I tell him that I love him all the time, and he just says stupid things back like, "same here" or "me too". All I want is to hear the words from time to time. What should I do to get him to say it? Staci
Dear Staci. First thing, stop spelling your name with an "i" and grow up. You say you know he loves you even though he won't say it, but you still need to hear it? It sounds to me like you have dependency issues and low self-esteem, why else would you need to hear what is, in reality, three little words. Actions speak louder than words, and if he shows you he loves you, then be happy, because there are plenty of other women out there who would trade places with you. If you can't accept it, then I strongly urge you to seek therapy before you grow into a bitter old shrew.
Dear Alexis. My wife and I have been happily married for almost fifteen years, but lately she does not seem to be as interested in sex as she use to be. I have tried everything to rekindle the romance, including romantic dinners, a cruise, and I even suggested trying some role-play, but nothing seems to work. I love my wife, but I miss the sex. Friends have suggested I have an affair, but I couldn't do that. I want my wife. Please help. Alan
Dear Alan. Your wife is not interested in having sex with you after fifteen years of marriage, huh? Well, that would put you into, or close to, middle age I assume, which says to me that maybe you need to take a good, hard look in the mirror. Is there a spare tire starting to form around the middle? Do you still take as careful care of your personal hygiene as you use to? My guess is yes to the first and no to the second. So stop trying to bribe your wife into sex and fix yourself. Buy a new razor and use it. It's called deodorant, get some. Take a shower at least once a day. And get off the couch and lose some weight.
Dear Alexis. I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and recently his dad has started to hit on me when he isn't around. I know it should be creepy, but the truth is, his dad is pretty attractive, and I kinda like the attention. Anyway, I am not sure that my boyfriend in the one, and his mother is not in the picture, so should I see how far it will go with the father? Tammy
Dear Tammy. The answer is simple. You already know the relationship with your boyfriend is doomed, so unless you are under eighteen, do the dad. Older men can often be much better lovers due to their experience, and what they can show you could help you land "the one" when you meet him. Just be aware that with dad, you will probably just be a plaything, so keep the emotions closed and the legs spread and enjoy.
If you have a question that you would like Alexis to answer, mail it to AP Times, c/o Alexis Diamond.