The National Weather Service has reported that tropical storm Daphne is growing in intensity and heading north, up the Atlantic coast.  The normal hurricane season begins in May and lasts through November, so, we are lucky in that this storm is not as strong as it possibly could be.  

Daphne seems angry though, and is expected to be upgraded from a tropical storm to a category 1 or 2 hurricane by Saturday afternoon.  It is expected to make landfall Sunday morning and coastal residents are asked to be prepared.  Winds could reach 75-100mph and the storm surge could be up to 10 feet or more. The danger to local homes and businesses will be from winds and flooding.  

I spoke to Chief Warwick DeSanta today and he issued this statement,   "At this stage we do not know the full extent at which the storm will hit Asphyxiation Point. However the emergency services have been informed and are working  to ensure we are prepared for the worst. For now, we ask citizens to stock up on food and supplies to last the weekend and ensure their homes are weather-hardy. Everyone should remain calm and go about their business, if the situation looks to worsen we will issue an evacuation order and members of the APPD will escort citizens from downtown up the hill. Temporary shelters will be established Uptown in case of this eventuality. At the moment we are asking people not to worry but to stay in tune with radio broadcasts and citizens of downtown to prepare for a possible evacuation."

Asphyxiation Pointers are encouraged to stock up on essentials like water and food, but also batteries and candles as there could be extensive power outages to communities along the Maine coast.  

Chief Physician at Asphyxiation Point Hospital, Dr. Carson Capelo, had this comment about our hospital's state of preparedness, "Asphyxiation General Hospital will be a designated storm shelter as long as the water does not rise too high. We have been receiving supplies from the mainland and would be able to hold out for about a week given our current supply levels cross-referenced with the towns population and capabilities of the other storm centers. All citizens are encouraged to gather here if they lack proper preparations."

So, our lovely island is especially at risk.  Residents of downtown and near the beach are encouraged not to panic and to either temporarily evacuate or seek refuge uptown or at AP Hospital, should the situation become dire.   Because Daphne is on her way...and it looks like she's mad.

Reported by S.D. Miller

This Saturday at the Dew Drop Inn there will be a mud wrestling competition, male and female contestants welcome. First match will begin at 6pm. Bets will be open half and hour before and proceeds will benefit the Angels of Mercy charity for abused and homeless women.

Starts this Wednesday and runs all week. 10 for 10 on canned corn and sardines. Hot dogs 2 for 2.

Offering wraps to tuck in those muffin areas. Also offering Hollywood's newest craze...coffee detox enemas! Looking for a job, they're offering that too! Stop in and see what else is happening at Picture Perfect Salon!

Few are the people who venture down into the heart of the RLD. Well except for last evening when the folks down in the not so fair part of our town decided to throw a party! There was music, food, booze and a good time was had by one and all. Its reported a couple of the cops decided to show up as well (out of uniform of course) but in general it was all good fun at the end of the day.

It was a night of tuxedos and gowns, champagne and pastries with a dash of the surreal thrown in as some participants showed up as their favorite film characters. The opening of The Point Theater owned by Sara Brooks had it all. The crowd gathered and rubbed elbows for hours. The only incident was a small confrontation by the desert table which was quickly dispatched as the party went on. But all that was forgotten a mere few nights later when the newly opened theater was ablaze. The cause still undetermined at this time. We will keep the citizens up to date as more information becomes available to us here at the Times.

Three days ago, I arrived at work to find a package in a manila envelope on my desk, here at the Times office.  I was excited to view it, of course, but soon discovered that the tape itself, was very old and I had to obtain the proper equipment.  I'm a novice reporter, I'll admit that, but I thought I could handle just about any story.  

However,  I was not prepared for what I saw.  It started innocently enough, with a young woman who is working at the bakery here in town, the song, 'Barbie Girl' plays in the background.  She is shown going about her normal daily activities, but then it takes a dark turn.  The woman is obviously being held captive somewhere, all the while the same happy song continues to play.  The tape goes on to show this young woman being tortured and sexually assaulted, such barbaric things that I will not elaborate on here.  That damned song played during all of this and will haunt me forever...things can't be unseen.

I was shaken to the core by this video and went out in search of the police to help this poor woman.  While she was suffering,  I was trying to turn over the video to the authorities, but they were unavailable.  I finally managed to place the tape in the hands of none other than Chief Warwick DeSanta.  Let's see if he can stop eating cupcakes long enough to rescue her.  It seems like it is not donuts that keeps the cops in this town busy most of the time,  they appear to enjoy other sweet treats too.

Reported by S.D. Miller