​     
      It's no surprise that the APPD has a new Captain and it seems like the board selected someone with more experience than the last. Officer Eli Vincente is one of the longest standing officers on the island and finally received a seemingly well deserved promotion, already started making some changes for the better. Captain Vincente says "We are instituting some common sense protocols, and we'll be reinforcing our training. Our officers are our only resources, and the leadership, myself included can't afford to be distant any longer. Right now, we've a department of lone wolves. Pound for pound a lone wolf is the toughest thing in the forest, but a pack preforms better. We are partnering experienced officers with rookies, and encouraging partnering up in general. We are going to go over some protocols, and see what makes sense. I am going to work with my officers, and listen to them. They are bringing a lot of ideas." He also stated that he will be establishing a media coordinator as well as an officer in charge community outreach.

     During my time in Asphyxiation Point I've seen and heard about several officers getting over looked or disregarded because the captains simply ignored them or they had no clue who was actually on staff. I know of a few rookies that actually left the force due to such circumstances and I couldn't help but ask the new Captain his thoughts. "A lot of our officers weren't heard, simply because the Captains were unaware of them. One thing you are going to find is I am more present than any previous Captain. And I know the officers, their strengths and their weaknesses. I've got a top flight staff. Jennie, Kerri, Dora, Lewis, Novak, Angelique... great cops, the kind that can turn this thing around. We have excellent probationary members in Carly and Boomer, and I am looking forward to getting to know them better." It seems Captain Vincente has a solid plan to make a difference and went on to say "I know the people hold us to a higher standard, and it shows in the media. We are going to exceed their unreasonable expectations, because the raw talent we have showing is going to start getting used. I am giving up the whole supercop thing, in order to look good in my job, I am going to help the cops we have make me look good. It is hard at times, we don't always get the best recruits, and a lot of them are coming from dubious sources. We aren't like the enemy, we can't really afford to turn many away, but with work on our protocols, we are going to run a cleaner department."

    There is no sense in denying that the department has had several issues lately and shunning the press did not help their reputation at all. Rumors ranging from negligence to flat out public corruption have made the local wary of dealing with any officers. I've been told 911 calls went unanswered, officers were instructed not to patrol certain areas despite requests, cases were dropped, and that there has been a general lack of communication amongst the ranks. These stories and issues were laid out in front of the new Captain and he assured me that if something wasn't handled it was left that way for a reason or that it was being investigated. While it was clear the tough questions aggravated the new Captain, he was patient and addressed everything handed to him in a polite and respectful manner, a much welcome change compared to the last three persons in charge. 

      Perhaps this is a much needed change for the boys and girls in blue? Even some of the officers have nothing but praise and support for the changes being made. We at the Times wish Captain Eli the best of luck and hope this transformation extends into the future.

    

Owner - ​Amaya Graunova (amaya.grau)

     With recent events that include the kidnapping of district attorney Martinho Larsson, the District Court has negotiated a contract with Sylver Securities. Mr Larsson did state "Naturally I can't provide the terms of the deal but lets just say with so many people getting snatched off the streets recently all employees of the District Court now have added security watching there backs, so attempted snatchings will not be so easy in future on Court employees at least."

     I reached out to the owner of Sylver Securities, Mr Malicki Sylver, and he confirmed "we were asked by Mr Larsson as he has requested that our firm provide the courthouse with added security since after his last experience he has felt that the employees there require a greater level of safety and Sylver Securities is making that happen."

SWF seeks sane human being for pansexual adventures through time and Space.

Must like:
Dogs

Be okay with a degree of human bondage.

Being the owner of a penis or a car or both is a plus but not necessary.  

If interested please contact
555-MAYA (Amaya.Grau)

*This is a story of two Worlds - the one we know and keep all our stuff in, and another which exists just beneath the surface, out of sight and out of mind till one cues up the television for the daily dose of reality through the screen to inflict itself upon your senses.  This is the outside world, and the world next door, this is Channel 68 Local news. Any resemblance to any other world known or unknown is purely coincidental.* 

*As the static clears and the screen finalizes upon that which it shall inflict itself upon your senses, we see one Tammi Bean. Blond hair up in pigtails bouncing to and fro as she talks and moves her head in exaggerated motions. Her outfit is absolutely crazy, consisting as it does of what one could say is what would happen if Strawberry Shortcake had a illegitimate lovechild with Lolita that proceeded to explode all over Scarlett O’Hara and had then been iced and glazed.  A short poofy skirt with cupcake prints on a bright pink background, with a tight top that if it showed a quarter inch more cleavage would cause the censors to break out the black bars to hide what it revealed, all of it underneath a bright lemon yellow apron with “Sweet stuff inside” printed on the front.  She’s standing in front of rows and rows of various delectable treats lined up for display in a bakery some under glass, some on platters, others set out to tempt the senses.* 

Tammi Bean: “…So..like although the Pink Pastry shop isn’t set up to deliver all over the islands yet, the two new shops that have opened can like, deliver to the local area, and they even have a nifty little web app you can use to order most anything they sell! How neat is that!? You don’t even need to get up and come on down to satisfy your cream filling sweet tooth!”  

*She Giggles and waves at the camera with a over-iced cupcake that has to be the size of a softball as the camera cuts back to the news desk with Ariana Bening and Raymond Wages sitting there.* 

Raymond: “Uhm…Yes Tammi, I’ll…Uh keep that in mind the next time I have a hankering for a Bear Claw or Apple Fritter…”  

*Ariana seems to collect herself as the camera focuses on her* 

Ariana: “Sad news for the Barn Art’s Collective today as a stop work order remains in effect for their use of a boat storage facility for their planned upcoming performance.  The Show Won’t go on, as the review application for use of the facility in the upcoming presentation of ‘Cabaret’ was found to be incomplete by the town’s planning board.  At this time the performance has not been re-scheduled. For Pre-purchase of tickets to obtain a refund please contact the number on your ticket.” 

Raymond:  “And now with a look at all things on the waterfront, we go to Jeannie Webb.” 

*The Camera cuts over to Jeannie standing on one of the docks with the bay behind her outlined by the rising sunlight.* 

Jeannie: “Thank you Ray, behind me it looks calm and collected, but in less than twenty-four hours over one-hundred and three Lobster Boats are going to participate in the Winter Harbor Lobster Boat Races. This event has been ongoing and this will be the Fifty-second year it takes place. Several crews already are getting into the spirit, and numerous early birds have already set up camp on the best lookout spots to watch the race.”  

*The camera shows several stock videos of campsites with people cheering and drinking.  Several boat crews prepping the lobster boats and catcalling when they see the camera, a few of them striking dramatic weight lifter poses on the gunnels. * 

Jeannie: “earlier next week the Bass harbor mackerel Derby opens up with Weigh in starting at Noon and ending at five PM. The actual fishing begins at nine so even more boats will be out and about as Bass harbor is filled with aspirants hoping to claim that trophy and purse.  Just a reminder all fish must be caught in Bass harbor the day of the tournament and you must sign up early to qualify.”  

Jeannie: “Another bit of waterfront news, harsher penalties for violations of state fishing laws has passed in Augusta and Go into effect September First. This includes steeper penalties for violations including harsher fines and fees and up to more stringent jail time.  The full listing can be found on the State’s website as well as a link on our own. I’ve also posted a direct link on my Chatter account check it out! And a Good day on the water from me!”  

*The bottom of the screen shows a Chatter listing of %CH68JeannieW as the camera cuts back to Ari and Raymond at the news desk.* 

Ariana: “Thank you Jeannie, and I certainly do hope that the problems they had last year in the race won’t be repeated.” 

Raymond: “Just a reminder, the Coast Guard is sponsoring first aid and CPR classes at local hospitals throughout the month of September. Check their website or the local hospital for times and availability. You never know when what you learn may save a life.”  

Ariana: “Speaking of lifesaving, Wilbert Woods has some weather for us as well as I believe an advisory? What manner of things is Mama Nature tossing our way Wil?”  

*The camera cuts on over to Wilbert Woods at the weather desk, behind him is a big flashing red “HIGH SURF ADVISORY!” message as he flashes a smile at the camera* 

Wilbert: "That's right the national weather service has issued a High surf advisory for the bay area lasting all through today and ending Saturday morning.  At this time  due to weather conditions the surf may swell unexpectedly six to ten feet without warning.  This will cause potential dangerous rip currents so for those at the beach close to shore be advised and pay attention if the lifeguards issue a warning.  Also those on rocks above the water need to take care as waves can swell up and knock them off into the water below and drag them back out to the ocean.  Coast guard advised everyone swim or sunbathe near the shore with a buddy who can call for help if needed."  

*The screen behind him changes from the Alert to the normal weather screen* 

Wilbert: "Despite all that the cause of all these waves is far off shore at this time and won't have an actual impact on the weather directly.  The front has moved on out to sea at this time and left us with some pretty nice days ahead.  Today highs in the Mid eighties and steady winds between five and ten miles per hour.  Overnight dipping to Upper sixties in temperature.  Tomorrow, Much of the same, though we may hit ninety or ninety one degrees as a high in later afternoon.  Saturday will have more clouds moving in, and the temperature will drop down to the mid seventies during the day as those clouds thicken overnight.  Leading to Sunday morning and all through the day the temperature picks back up again into the Low Eighties, but intermittent storms may pop up here and there but not linger for very long. "  

*The background image changes to the Weekday planner mode*  

Wilbert:  "Monday, lots of sunshine with sparse clouds, but cooler temperatures as they dip into the middle seventies, overnight dropping down to Fifty-two degrees in some places.  Tuesday is more of the same, including temperature levels.  Though Tuesday night there may be some more pop up showers, especially along the northern parts of the state.  Wednesday and Thursday at the end of the month the Temperature springs back up to the mid Eighties during the day on both days giving a nice last burst of summer weather and giving way on Friday the First to Darker storm clouds rolling in in the early morning and rain with intermittent thunderstorms all through the day to herald September having arrived.  And that's what to expect from the weather, back to you Ray and Ari."  

Ariana: "Thank you Will.  For many islands and townships in the bay area landfills can be a big problem on what to do with once they have reached capacity. Currently just burying everything under mounds of dirt and letting it decompose has been what we have done, but one of the larger islands has an idea for what else to do with that land.  For that Story we go to Dean Knopinski in the field.  Dean?"  

*The camera cuts to Dean standing at a fairly open landfill site with bulldozers and trucks moving about tilling mounds of garbage and shoving it into great piles to be sorted* 

Dean: "Thank you Ari, Following previous measures for ecologically friendly refuse disposal the landfill here behind me has already been sorting the incoming waste for recycling materials and organic components.  Separating the Trash from the reclaimable materials.  But per federal mandate and standards the land used for such disposal cannot be used for any kind of accommodating housing or businesses due to the land itself being registered unstable for at least a hundred years. Decomposing refuge can cause gas pockets and other shifts underneath a foundation which could endanger lives.  And despite all the recycling, this fill site is soon due to be closed due to running out of space."  

*The camera shows stock footage from overhead views and Shots taken from a Bulldozer as it Rams mounds of decomposing waste into a pile*  

Dean: ~Voiceover~ "numerous proposals on what to do with this site after it's reached it's limit have been proposed, everything from a community garden, to simply letting nature reclaim the land itself."  

*it cuts back to Dean walking gingerly along the Ground along with the camera* 

Dean: "That's where ACTT has a proposal coming up soon before the board of Selectmen for this area to instead of letting the land sit fallow, instead let it bring in a harvest of sunlight. Their proposal is to set up several dozen solar power stations on site sinking poles down nearly a hundred feet into the ground to secure them and getting the island well on it's way to being independent of Energy from the mainland.  If the proposal is approved they intend on surveying the site next year to find the best places to ~BLEEEEP~ " 

his next words are cut off as he takes another step and suddenly sinks down neck deep into a batch of decomposing refuse that was just under the surface, a large "FAAAAAAARRRRRRPPPP"  noise billows up as escaping gas blows up along his face and body making his hair look a lit like he just became a Super Saiyan as the camera cuts back to the News desk.* 

Raymond: "I'm sure he'll be fine."  *He turns to face camera center*  "Speaking of Power and electricity, Underwater utility workers have determined a blown fuse is the cause of main power going out on five islands in the bay area at the start of the week.  The main distribution line feeding the underwater cable that supplies power to several islands including Seal cove and Swans' island was not listed as being damaged and power was restored  with minimal hassle yesterday."  

*The camera cuts to center on Ariana as she adjusts some papers in front of her* 

Ariana: “Coming up after the break, Kaylynn Garcia with the latest series, ‘Out About Town’ where she looks at the little stories that affect the local citizens directly.” 

*The camera shows a split screen of Kaylynn standing there on one side of the screen in front of a nondescript building* 

Kaylynn: “That’s right. Today’s Out About Town we check on the current status of the Cruise ship moratorium and how that affects local tourism.  A new series of jobs for parking lot attendants to enforce customer only parking during peak hours. And another Bed and Breakfast gets it’s permits denied, the why’s and what this means for you.  All this and more, after these messages.”  

~~*Both her and Ari smile at the camera as the image cuts to the commercial break.*~~

     This past Saturday was quite a treat for the locals as Frederick's owner Rumour Ghost hosted their free BBQ party down at the beach. A gorgeous deck was set up with a bar, picnic area, and pretty lanterns to give light after sunset. There were also grills full of delicious meats, coolers of booze, a fully stocked bar, and volleyball down on the sand. 

     Folks from all over the island came to relax and enjoy the evening including Sonia from BTB Gym and Cadence Rau from Castilla de Rau Photography. Among the many others that attended, former police captain Ming Yheng was tending bar. Of course she had to add the Yheng flare to it, getting in a small scuffle and some how ending up topless! Ms Ghost did state "Ms Yheng is not an employee of Fredricks and her unfortunate incident with one of our guests . Thankfully Malicki Sylver of Sylver Security was on scene and handled everything for me. He was such a great big help through all of the event and even the level of drunken people seemed to be at a minimum which is a small miracle for AP! "

     "It was a great night and the weather was perfect with that cooling breeze coming up off the ocean and for the people who asked me what happened to the left over food, well we donated all the meat to several animal shelters on the mainland. Everything else that could be composted was and it all goes back to the farmers to enrich their fields for the next harvest. You know its kinda great giving back, not only to my friends but to those abandoned animals and the land itself." said Ms Ghost, who clearly has a huge heart and isn't afraid to show it! Remember to check out the calendar for next month's ​Fredrick's Fabulous Free Feast!

And just as a friendly reminder: Don't breed or buy, go adopt your next fur baby from a shelter!

​
    The Tea House is now officially open! Brooklyn Yheng held her grand opening on Monday August 14th and it was quite the cultural display. Assistant Manager Misha Yheng and several other staff members offered out sample cups of tea along with fresh sushi. While sushi is not normally on the menu, the Tea House does coordinate with the bakery uptown to offer fresh baked goods! With tea selections from all around the world, everyone is sure to find something they'll enjoy!

Brooklyn Yheng, owner 

The staff of the Tea House

Who needs drugs when you can get your High Times from a book? Go see Miller today!