Tired of the same stuff everyday? Want to be able to order a meal and it have a shot of Rum or Tequila with it like every meal should? 

Come to Burrit-Hos! Home of the food so good it makes your toes curl!

There is a large array of Taco's and Burritos, and yes, every meal comes with a shot of liquid Dessert, and tables always have Chips, Salsa and Guacamole. 

Tired of begging for money all the time? Well we have something for you too! Burrit-Hos is hiring! All you can eat chips while you're working. 

Come today, deliciously so, at Burrit-Hos.

2nd, 2nd Street in Lower Asphyxiation Point. 

Aquarius - The Water-Bearer - Jan 21 to Feb 19

    This is a week to listen, Aquarius. The planets have aligned in just the right way to open up new possibilities if you take a moment to open your ears and your mind. Singles, you may just find the more unattainable a person is this week, the more luck you’ll have with them. Consider it a gift from the Universe. 



Pisces - The Fish - Feb 20 to Mar 20

    Don’t be afraid to show off a bit this week, Pisces. Take that extra time to tend to your appearance. Keep your head up and your chin held high. Be proud, and don’t be ashamed of being proud! You should feel validated. Your job this week is to simply uplift people with your presence. Have fun with it- happiness is right up your alley if you let it!



Aries - The Ram - Mar 21 to Apr 20

    This is a great week to strut your thing, Aries. You’re on top of the world…. Enjoy it! Take time to enjoy your family and the people around you. You’re in the front line of action and you’re not going to miss a beat, despite any distractions the Universe sends your way. Don’t let anyone bring you down or talk you out of your elation. 



Taurus - The Bull - Apr 21 to May 21

    Has someone near and dear to you been disregarding your feelings? Do you feel like that person has been so self involved lately they’re not concerned with you anymore? It’s time to rearrange your priorities, Taurus. You’re supporting and caring, it’s time to learn how to care about yourself before you keep worrying about others. 




Gemini - The Twins - May 22 to Jun 21

    You might just find yourself in a panic this week, Gemini. Perhaps somewhere out of the blue someone is calling upon you to host a part in your own home. Is your house clean enough? Don’t let those negative thoughts plague you. You’re the only one who will notice any dust, so don’t let it bother you. Enjoy the opportunity to surround yourself with loved ones instead. 




Cancer - The Crab - Jun 22 to Jul 22

    You’re confident this week, Cancer, and people can’t help but notice as you radiate nothing but love and peace. Eyes will turn your way, and you may just find yourself the center of attention from strangers with compliments. Remain humble yet confident, and people will be inspired just by your presence. Take advantage of this wonderful week by enjoying yourself just for being you. 



Leo - The Lion - Jul 23 to Aug 21
    You may have found yourself running into obstacles associated with your goals. Maybe it’s because you feel you aren’t getting that support and cooperation you feel you deserve. This week, people may appear emotionally distant with shallow views on certain issues. You may even feel betrayed by people turning against you. Try not to take it too personally. 




Virgo - The Maiden - Aug 22 to Sep 23

    This is a great week for you, Virgo. Unexpected reunions are possible, all because of your lighthearted aura. You’re going to find things practically fall into your lap. Your sunny smile attracts the fun and good fortune that you most certainly deserve. This week, everyone is extremely lucky to be in your glowing presence. 



Libra - The Scales - Sep 24 to Oct 23

    You may be wondering why all the attention isn’t focused on you this week, Libra. Perhaps you feel cheated and irritable. The more upset you get, the more others will be driven away instead of being drawn to you. Rather than let yourself get upset or angry, immerse yourself in the prevalent happiness that surrounds you. You will find that your whole day turns around for the better. 



Scorpio - The Scorpion - Oct 24 to Nov 22

    This is a chaotic time for you, Scorpio. You might feel that several issues are coming to a head this week. Stress may cause you to lash out and snap and people that don’t deserve it… and you might just find those issues causing you so much stress become even worse. The key this week is to bring your life balance. Control and stabilize your feelings- you’ll be much more equipped to deal with anything the Universe throws your way.     



Sagittarius - The Archer - Nov 23 to Dec 22

       Don’t be shy this week, Sagittarius. Force yourself into that spotlight where you deserve. Don’t let someone else take credit for something you did. Be proud of who you are don’t let yourself turn away from people who are acting self-centered. You deserve to be the center of attention this week. Be proud of who you are! 



Capricorn - The Goat - Dec 23 to Jan 20

      This week can be wonderfully productive, Capricorn, if you just learn to compromise. Insisting on only doing things you way is going to run you into emotional conflicts. Take time to realize these issues can easily be avoided by joining hands with your partner and working towards a common goal. You have a great deal of energy buzzing around you this week… don’t spend it fighting battles that don’t need to be fought. 

There seems to be a trend with my reporting on supposed police brutality. While it’s certainly not intentional, I was present for a rather disturbing argument that happened at the AP Times and feel it necessary to report what was told to me.

You may remember reading about Phillip Narcissist being shot and killed during an arrest a few weeks ago. The entire affair seemed rather cut and dry- man is arrested, man appears volatile and does not cooperate, man is shot while charging at an arresting officer with his gun and then dies from his injuries. A tragedy, yes, but something that becomes unavoidable when dealing with a man who for all intents and purposes was a violent sociopath.  

So why then did his wife approach me in my office with a USB drive, stating that the drive contained video showing our very own Chief DeSanta shooting Mr. Narcissist not once, but twice… after he was already being restrained in handcuffs? Understandably, the drive was confiscated as evidence before I had a chance to watch it and Mrs. Narcissist was arrested on scene before I was even able to question her about the origins of the tape. 

This does, however, bring up some interesting questions. In the brief minutes I met with Chief DeSanta, he seemed collected enough. Calm, gruff, maybe a little rough around the edges, but certainly not the type to shoot a man after he’d been arrested. If Mrs. Narcissist’s allegations are true… why would Chief DeSanta be pushed over the edge? When I asked him about it after Mrs. Narcissist had been arrested and pulled off scene by another officer, he responded that Mr. Narcissist had assaulted one officer with brass knuckles, charged at the Chief with a gun, and they had done what was necessary to ensure their safety.

When it comes to the game of He Said/She Said, it can be hard to decipher what’s fact and what’s bias. We at the AP Times promise to get to the bottom of it one way or another… stay tuned while we work to uncover more details. 

Reported by Chloe Walcott

Is the significant other pissed again? Husband or wife not leaving town for work as much as they use to, and the lover is feeling lonely? Come to the Dew Drop Inn! We dont' judge, cash is our friend. No ID needed. Here is where you leave with a smile.

Newton Construction, We build Shit. Need a hole filled? You got it! Need repairs from water damage? Fire? Crazy Ex? You got it! Putting in a swimming pool? Hot Tub? Hard bodies painting your residence to ogle while you relax and sip red wine? You got it! We are Jack of all trades and masters of some.  Just remember, YOU GOT IT!

Last week we posted a press release from the APPD in regards to a vicious attack at Burrit-Hos that took the life of one waitress and seriously injured the owner, Written Poem. I recently had the opportunity to meet up with Miss Poem in the very same place she was attacked and sit down for a brief interview. 

What really happened that day? Miss Poem advised me that this Antonio Romero approached her seemingly out of the blue, trying to sell insurance and was not willing to take “No” for an answer. When his offer was turned down, things turned violent fast. He declared he would get his money one way or another and began to viciously punch Miss Poem in her face and in her ribs, choking her, and even going so far as to throw her into the display case, completely destroying it. Miss Poem tried to fight back as best as she was able- smart woman that she is was carrying mace at the time- but was inevitably rendered unconscious until she woke up in the hospital. 

Miss Poem seemed in high spirits despite the ordeal- engaging in witty banter with the other patrons of Burrit-Hos while I was there. Their Memorial Day platter both looked and smelled delicious… unfortunately, this reporter had to go before she was able to partake in any. But you can bet your last dollar, readers, I’ll be back. It’s hard not to be drawn towards the environment- everything about it positively screams “authentic” and Miss Poem’s continual chipper attitude despite the devastation she’s faced is nothing short of inspiring. 

In the mean time, I suggest being extra wary of anyone trying to sell you something door to door. Mr. Romeo is out on bond and if his history of violence is any indication, he’ll likely strike again. 


Reported by Chloe Walcott

AP Editor’s Note: The opinions and allegations in this letter are solely that of the writer and do not indicate any opinions of the AP Times. In the interest of literary fairness, I met with Sergeant Stone today and she requested the opportunity to speak for herself in regards to the leaked tapes. 

Since Chief DeSanta found it appropriate to hang the dirty laundry of his own Police Department, I will assume he will not mind that I return the same courtesy.

When the incident involving Aubrey Breister occurred at the police station, it turned into quite a complicated situation. The Chief did everything in his power to prevent another million dollar claim against the PD should this situation get beyond the DA and into IA territority.  Not to mention this would hurt Chief DeSanta’s reputation.  We all remember the incident between the Chief and Promise Del La Rosa.  Something about police brutality was it?  Oops!  Poor Ms. Del La Rosa was found dead after the hurricane. It was no secret Chief DeSanta hated Ms. Del La Rosa with a passion, but when I gave him the news that the identified body was that of Ms. Del La Rosa, he broke out in a smile and said, "Today is a good day." So on the list of suspects for the possible homicide, I, as the lead on the case, did not add the Chief’s name on it.  Call it loyalty.

When I was confronted with the CCTV material involving the Breister incident, I told DeSanta the truth about the contents of the surveillance tape. His reply was that of what a loyal Chief would say. He told me I had made a mistake - I had forgotten to clean the blood off the wall. I had to make sure not to leave any evidence if something like that would occur again and the tape had been destroyed. 

However, not too long after the seemingly protective employer had assured complete destruction of proof from that incident, the threats came. If I did not do the Chief's bidding in any way, if he would so much hear a grunt from me after an order, that 'destroyed' tape would magically find it's way in the DA's inbox. He had used it against me the first chance he could. There was no longer a question of loyalty.  I was now forced to back down and no longer seek out Ms. Breister while on duty. Truthfully, I no longer had desire on or off duty.

As you all know by now, Lieutenant Jon Stone was shot in the head not too long ago. Aubrey Breister, a woman named Zoe and I were at the scene when it happened. The Lieutenant was put in a coma and consequently forced to retire from the police force. 

Statements were taken from both Zoe and Ms. Breister. Did Chief DeSanta reach out to me, Jane Stone? Not once. Not once has he reached out to me either as the Lieutenant’s wife, one of his trusted ranked officers, or even as a friend. Why would he not call upon his senior officer to ask what had happened? Why would the Chief put more weight in the testimonies from the woman who shot his lieutenant and Ms. Breister whom he once dated and had been estranged from ever since?  It would almost seem as if the Chief put more trust in criminals and citizens than those who work right alongside him.

Let’s go back to the surveillance tape leak.

There were only six people who knew about the incident: 
The DA, the Chief, the Lieutenant, the Sergeant, one Officer, Ms. Breister.
The DA has been on leave for the past two weeks.
The Lieutenant has left town.
Ms. Breister is dead.
The officer wouldn’t talk.
This only leaves the Chief.

At this very moment, I am on a personal leave away from this island that I once called home.

But it was through a newspaper I learn that my former employer has decided to make true to his threat of showing video footage that would attempt to ruin the reputation of one of his senior officers who has already resigned.  For what purpose? Ms. Breister is dead, I am in mourning. Does he enjoy to kick people when they are down? Apparently so. His morals are pristine, are they not?

And were it not the Chief who leaked the tape, I ask you all to consider the security threat you now all face as these forms of information are kept very safe in his personal office.

He had the chance to destroy the tape and the backups.  He did not.
Now he will find something else destroyed.

The chief will have found, or will find, his final fuck you.

Jane Stone.

Tired of the same stuff everyday? Want to be able to order a meal and it have a shot of Rum or Tequila with it like every meal should? 

Come to Burrit-Hos! Home of the food so good it makes your toes curl!

There is a large array of Taco's and Burritos, and yes, every meal comes with a shot of liquid Dessert, and tables always have Chips, Salsa and Guacamole. 

Tired of begging for money all the time? Well we have something for you too! Burrit-Hos is hiring! All you can eat chips while you're working. 

Come today, deliciously so, at Burrit-Hos.

2nd, 2nd Street in Lower Asphyxiation Point. 

At first glance, Asphyxiation Point seems to be the quintessential scenic getaway. As a recent transplant myself, I know that I was rather taken with the breathtaking views, sparkling exterior, and waves of friendly people. But like most towns, it didn’t take long to discover even the most beautiful of places has some dirty little secrets. Readers may or may not be aware that a woman by the name of Aubrey Breister took her own life less than a week ago. You can call it morbid curiosity, or just a passing desire to know what would cause a twenty-six year old woman to cut her life short… whatever the case, this reporter was interested to find out. 

Of course, it’s impossible to discover all the intricacies of a person’s life in just a few short days- but I found enough to think perhaps this woman’s actions were that of one of desperation. Her story holds all the makings of a soap opera: romance, intrigue, and scandal. So what WOULD cause a woman- who by all accounts, had never shown any history of depression or desire to self harm- to take her own life? 

It would appear that before Miss Breister’s death, she was tangled in a rather wicked battle with one of the senior officers of the APPD- a certain Sergeant Jane Stone- over, what else, a man? This reporter’s sources confirm Miss Breister was engaged in an affair with a Lieutenant Stone, who is none other than Sergeant Stone’s  husband. Why is this relevant, you ask? Perhaps because a few weeks before Miss Breister chose to take her own life in the AP Hospital, she was arrested by that very same Sergeant Stone. It would appear that during the course of the arrest, Miss Breister filed a complaint saying that she was unfairly harassed in the cells of the APPD. Was this an abuse of power on Sergeant Stone’s part? 

Unfortunately, it’s hard to say. As I’m sure most of you know, Asphyxiation Point was recently devastated by a hurricane. Any proof that may or may not have existed of these wrongdoings were all but demolished, and it seems that without any evidence, nothing could be done. Everything was all but forgotten… that is, until Miss Breister took her own life. The beautiful thing about technology, readers, is the fact that it can rarely ever be truly erased. If one were able to get a copy of the tapes that had been thrown away, assumed to be completely water damaged and beyond repair, they may just be able to salvage enough data to see what very well may be considered a violent act. 

They may also, upon watching the video, see the unmistakable sight of a woman this reporter was able to identify as Sergeant Stone through her unnamed source along with another unidentified man rather viciously slamming Miss Breister into the wall. Now of course, the damaged tapes have no sound. It’s impossible to tell exactly what was happening down in those cells that day. What I can tell you definitively is this: Miss Breister did not appear to be putting up a fight. So why would this Sergeant Stone feel the need to use unnecessary force? It does make one wonder what else was happening outside the view of spying cameras. 

For those interested in paying their respect to Miss Breister, her funeral will be held on Sunday, May 24th, 2015 at the Church.

Reported by Chloe Walcott

Aquarius - The Water-Bearer - Jan 21 to Feb 19

There comes a time in everyone’s life when one must take a look at themselves and think, “Am I hurting my life path or am I helping it?” This week, Aquarius, I urge you to take a good hard look at your choices. Is there something you can change? Is there someone in your life who could benefit from a change of approach? Take a step back, dear Aquarius, and try to look at the bigger picture. Have you found yourself feeling stuck, not sure where to go? This is the week to reevaluate just how you want to spend your days. You might just find a different perception will bring you some things you didn’t even know your heart desired. 



Pisces - The Fish - Feb 20 to Mar 20

You’ve heard the phrase “Love is in the air,” haven’t you, Pisces? Well, it would seem the Universe has some surprises for you this week! Call it the alignment of the planets or whatever you like- there’s something buzzing around you. You may find yourself in the presence of someone who you can’t get out of your head, or rekindling old relationships. Now is not the time to question it- listen you your heart, not your head. It won’t steer you wrong this time. 



Aries - The Ram - Mar 21 to Apr 20

Whoa, take a deep breath! Whatever’s been bothering you, Aries, will work itself out. The wait is the hard part… but you need to trust that the Universe has your best interest at heart, and you will find that whatever is tugging at your emotions will soon be nothing but a distant memory. In the meantime, I suggest going out with friends. Take a long walk. Read a good book. Escape for awhile. Don’t let your own mind be your worst enemy… have a little faith!



Taurus - The Bull - Apr 21 to May 21

This is the week to focus on self-improvement, Taurus. Up-cycle something you may have lying around your house into something useful. Pay your bills on time. Make a budget and stick to it. Start that spring cleaning you’ve been putting off. Chaos can only last so long before it starts to wear you down- use this time to put some good habits into place. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel!



Gemini - The Twins - May 22 to Jun 21

You know what they say about the rule of three, Gemini. Be careful not to listen to that little devil on your shoulder telling you to act impulsively. That little white lie, that selfish act, that random spark of chaos might just come full circle and come back to haunt you. Think carefully this week, Gemini, because the Universe is keen on teaching you a lesson… and if you’re not on your best behavior, you might just find that lesson is not a very fun one to learn. 



Cancer - The Crab - Jun 22 to Jul 22

Reach for the stars, you overachieving Cancer you! Well, not really, because that might hurt your back… but this is definitely the week to achieve your goals!  I could wax poetic for pages about how now is the time for you to stretch yourself, to go for what you want, but what’s the point? You’ve already put the actions into motion… just be patient and you might just find that you’ve been working for falls right into your lap!



Leo - The Lion - Jul 23 to Aug 21

DiCaprio. I’m just kidding, Leo. I may not be very good at making jokes- but I bet you’re better than you think you are! Use that talent this week. Go out of your way to make a stranger smile, pull a good friend out of a funk with that wit you have. Don’t worry about looking silly, your sense of humor is needed more than ever this week… you’ll have no idea just HOW much until you get out there and charm the world with your awesome self!



Virgo - The Maiden - Aug 22 to Sep 23

    This is going to be an excellent week for you, Virgo. You’re going to find it will most likely open new horizons for you at a time when the future seemed bleak. There may be old issues related to your family resurfacing in the not so distant past, and they may be resolved in the most surprising way this week. No matter what way you look at it, this is the perfect time to seek answers from your ancestors. 



Libra - The Scales - Sep 24 to Oct 23

    Have you found yourself feeling a connection with someone or some thing recently? Have those nearest and dearest to you confessed their deepest hopes and dreams with you? You’re likely feeling new ambitions starting to burn deep within you, Libra, which may just be fueled by those earlier connections. Hold on tight- you’re going to find yourself inspired beyond measure this week! 



Scorpio - The Scorpion - Oct 24 to Nov 22

    There are some wonderful surprises in store for you, Scorpio. They could come in the form of a new career opportunity or potential dates. With the current planetary aspects, you can avail yourself of the best ways to find personal and professional fulfillment. Don’t hesitate to be original. The quality will trump everything else!



Sagittarius - The Archer - Nov 23 to Dec 22

    You can look forward to a week full of satisfaction, Sagittarius. You may have made a strong impression on the people around you as you learned to moderate your outspokenness. Supportive friends surround you this week. Everyone seems willing to listen, and they trust you implicitly. It looks as though you’re finding a place for yourself!



Capricorn - The Goat - Dec 23 to Jan 20

    You’re definitely going to appreciate the harmony this week, Capricorn. After the confrontation mood of the past several days, it looks as though you will be able to rest a bit. If you feel somewhat weary, it’s god a good reason. This week provides a good opportunity to rid yourself of the burdens people are trying to make you carry. 
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