*Static of Channel change, cuing up on local 68 News with Kaylynn Garcia standing on a windy beach wearing a tank top and bikini top with a Sarong smiling at the camera.* 
Kaylynn Garcia: "As you can see out behind me the two barges with the fireworks for tonight's celebration have been anchored and in position. Between them and the rig set up on Kitsune Plaza tower downtown, it looks like their intent to start launching at Midnight Eastern Standard and every hour on the hour till Pacific time hits midnight may just be a possibility.  Kaylynn Garcia for AP news Channel Sixty Eight, reporting live from Long Beach."  

*The camera cuts back to the studio with Raymond and Ariana in their familiar places at the news desk. The latter doing her best to hide the "death look" in her eyes.* 
Raymond Wages: "Thank you Kaylynn, Can't wait to see what they come up with."  *he turns and addresses the new camera angle*  "And just a reminder, Only licensed pyrotechnic technicians are allowed to set off fireworks here in the bay area."  

Ariana Bening: "That's Right Ray" *flashing a smile to the cameras*  "Also celebratory gunfire is not only dangerous but illegal and many local police offices intend to crack down hard on offenders this year.  So keep it in your holsters boys and girls."  

*Ray turns to look at her and smiles*  
Raymond: "And we will have live coverage tomorrow covering not only Kaylynn in Los Angeles, but Ari here will be heading out later on to New York for the Rockin Eve party in Times Square. Which we will be covering live tomorrow as live as we can make it."  

*Which would, it seems, explain the look Ari had earlier...somebody lost a coin-toss and gets to freeze her tush off in New York while somebody else is on a Beach out west.*
  
Raymond: *Continuing on* "We have Continuing coverage of the hospital fire at the Local Hospital.  Investigators are checking to see if the fire may have been set by parties unknown to help cover a robbery of medication from the pharmacy stores on site.  Detectives and pharmacists are doing a strict inventory with hospital staff to check on the supplies and order replacements for damaged or contaminated drugs. "  

Ariana:  "The Detectives say there is no current evidence indicating anything was stolen during the fire, but are not yet prepared to rule that out.  Meanwhile Nurse Peaks was quoted as saying that the staff is more concerned with making sure they know what they have especially with flu season coming upon them, and they don't want to be out of anything important should someone need it orally or other ways. She further mentioned that it was amazing the number of old men who she had to stick it to this season to keep them from getting dangerously ill."  

*Raymond Adjusts his papers a bit and clears his throat as the camera swings back to him* 

Raymond:  "Coming up this hour, Thomas Jefferson's Polygraph? It isn't what you think it is, meet the museum staffer who has followed the trail of this device used by one of our Founding Fathers.  Also, Former Shell Beach Police Chief arrested overnight for DUI and Solicitation for the second time this week.  The story on just who he solicited while in such a state may surprise you." 

Has the holiday season got you feeling heavier then Santa's sack?  

Are you having a blue Christmas because your social anxiety has left you with a massive case of blue balls?

Does the Elf on the Shelf talk to you at night?  

If any of the above apply to you, then contact Dr. Isabella Coletti today - she's paid to pretend to care!

For more information, call 555-656-5252 or stop by Dr. Coletti's office at the AP Hospital.

On behalf of the editor and staff at the AP Times - have a safe and happy holiday season, and all the best in 2017! 

​Holidays got you down? Tired of that dreary walk of shame in the morning? Well, we can't help you there, but our new coffee shop does have fresh-baked goods and lots of caffeine to help you do it with more energy!!

Newly opened in town, Something Wicked is a small and intimate coffee bar - not some big box brand. And to show our community that we're here for them: from now until Christmas night we will be offering all donuts and coffee free of charge!
 
Stop by Something Wicked today at 6-2nd Street, or contact Dilshad Ⓣαץℓοя-δℓaȡє (dilshad1) should you wish more information or if you are interested in a job. 

The 2017 AP Calendar has been unveiled, and is chocked full of thematic images covering every month and a specific holiday from each. You can get your copy from the AP Times office, or outside of Aperture Studio. 

The project leads would like to thank each and every one of the models for their assistance, creativity, and patience with this initiative. It would not have been possible without the help of some fabulous island residents!

Visit the Gallery to see full versions of the images and for full credits.

Phedre Dumouriez and Larlotte Blackwater

By Phedre Dumouriez

Four men are dead following a horrific shootout last night at an Asphyxiation Point diner located on Beacon Road in Lowertown. 

Witnesses described the scene as a 'massacre'.

Allegedly, a black sedan (originally confused for a undercover police 'ghost car') drove up to the restaurant around 4 pm, pulling behind a green SUV parked in the lot. Multiple shots were then fired into the SUV by two masked perpetrators who had arrived with the sedan, killing all four who had been inside the green vehicle.  

The violence continued to escalate as a local Private Investigator became involved, trading shots with the masked men. Though he avoided direct hits, witnesses state that he appeared to have been wounded from damage taken to his own vehicle.

The armed men then quicly left the scene before the arrival of police and emergency services, and therefore escaped into the night. 

The shooters are described as male, of average height, and wearing a pig and clown mask respectively. 

Captain Kerri Oakleaf explained when interviewed that there was not much else to report, stating, "We may know more once the identities of the victims can be ascertained. Rest assured that [the police] are working diligently to get to the bottom of this."

Anyone with information about this crime should contact the APPD directly. 

Bored with run of the mill furniture? Want to stand out from the crowd? Looking for something artistic? Then these up-cycled treasures are for you!

The Junk Drawer turns old things into beautiful new pieces. Donations of wood, scrap metal, windows, and any undamaged objects are gladly received.

Contact Joji Bluebird or visit the shop at 2-2nd Street, just a stones throw away from the hospital and Fast Eddie's Diner.

​Gage Dawson of Grateful Meds wishes AP Residents a Happy Holidays and encourages them to come into his shop for some Christmas cheer.  

New this season are edible ornaments packaged in sets of 12. You can hang them on your tree or give them away as gifts; they are a perfect way to ensure a happy holiday and perfect for ringing in the new year with friends and family.  Buy 4 sets and get one free from now until December 24th.  

Grateful Meds even has your favorite strains strung with flowers or garland, ready to wrap up your Christmas decor and help scent up your place with the aroma familiar to all.  Attach it to doorways, make a wreath, string it with lights and wrap it around your banisters.  Whatever way you choose to celebrate don't forget to make the most of this organic cheer!

Visit Grateful Meds today at 2-7th Street, Uptown AP.

By Phedre Dumouriez 

To properly assist your clients with a private investigation, you have to knock on a lot of doors, read a lot of records, and spend a lot of time on… Google? 

Warwick DeSanta is a uniquely qualified private investigator, having started out as a police officer back in New Orleans. He’s worked on Murder Task Forces, Narcotics Divisions, and even been police chief of several small towns; including right here in Asphyxiation Point. After fifteen years with the police, he took an early retirement, but then decided to put his skills to use as a PI. 

“[It] seemed a natural fit,” DeSanta explained to this reporter during our recent interview, his Southern accent still very apparent though it’s been years since he had left the Big Easy. 

As a PI, his work on digging up information for his clients also takes him to the far reaches of the internet, like Twitter and LinkedIn, the sort of desk work that often gets left out when DeSanta's profession is depicted by the likes of popular series on Television or in Movies. But all in all, it's still a dirty job that involves everything from search engines to shoot outs, and plenty of dead bodies. 

DeSanta told us how he got started in New Orleans, how his police work influenced his new role as a PI, and the tedious amount of research that can come with doing his job properly.

-- 

AP Times: How did you become a PI?

WD: “Well, I [was] a police offer for about fifteen years. Started out in New Orleans, then Louisiana State Murder Police. After that, [narcotics], then transferred to Washington State. Winded up as Chief of a small department out [in] the middle of no place, then came here. [Was] Chief of APPD for about two years. … Time came for early retirement and I took it. Guess I became a private eye because I got some very specific skills [with] being a police for so long. Seemed a natural fit.” 

AP Times: So what kind of PI work do you do now?

WD: “So far it’s mostly been intelligence gathering. Folks employ me to find out things – whether it’s the identity of an attacker, or just keeping tabs on certain POI’s (Persons of Interest). But aside from the stuff that I’m paid to do, I still take an interest in some of the going-on’s around town. [I’m a] murder detective at heart, so [I’ll do anything that I can] to find out information, clues, or anything to assist in catching those folks that might prey on the weak and vulnerable on our little island. Also, local attorneys might get in touch, wanting me to double-check evidence in police reports or conduct my own investigation on behalf of their clients, to make sure that their case if fool proof.” 

AP Times: How is being a PI different than what people might expect?

WD: “It’s a LOT of research; lots of Googling [and] spending time at the courthouse going over records. It isn’t quite as exciting or glamorous as the movies make out. But then again, neither is police work. A search engine is probably the best place to start, such as social media profiles, LinkedIn, Twitter, etcetera. You’d be amazed at how much information folks give out without realizing it. Once caught a guy [we were] looking at because he was tweeting pictures at all of the local attractions that he was looking at on his vacation.” 

AP Times: What is the craziest thing that has happened on the job?

WD: “Well, back when I was a cop [here in AP], we picked up a body dumped onto a car downtown next to the Shop’n’Scrub. [It was] pretty gruesome all in all; head cut off, etcetera. Thing was, there were prints all over the body… We picked up two sets of prints and some DNA from spittle. Doc reckoned that the perpetrator had drooled over the body as they did it… A Couple of weeks later this girl, pissed or drugged up, starts this one woman protest against the PD right outside of the precinct. She smashed up one of the cruisers, so we pulled her in; just to get her to sober up more than anything. But when we took her prints, they came up with a match. If the girl [hadn’t] taken it upon herself to make a fool of herself right outside of the cop shop, we might never have picked her up on the murder charge. She was seriously messed up in the head, and I don’t think they ever caught the other one. [They] must have high-tailed it out of town. That’s the trouble with a tourist town like this one. Unfortunately, people come here; dump their [crap], and then take the first ferry back to the mainland.”

--

DeSanta Private Investigations is currently taking new clients. He can be reached at his office at 4-7th Street, Uptown, or at 555-1212 (jamesmaybrick) 

The AP Times and Aperture Studio cordially welcome you to a holiday party like no other - a good, old fashion pub-crawl, taking place on Wednesday, December 21st. 

Starting at the Aristocrat for cocktails at 4 PM SLT, those in attendance would then be invited along to Anderson's Pub, before onwards to the T&B in the RLD district (for those adventurous few who are still sober enough to walk!) 

There will also be 'treats' available from Grateful Meds, lots of great conversation, and of course - the alcohol will flow!

We will also be unveiling the AP Calendar while at the Aristocrat, so we would be very pleased if you could join us for a celebratory drink so that we can thank you once again for your assistance!

Sincerely, Phedre Dumouriez & Larlotte Blackwater