For over a week a group of bullying norsemen with nothing else in mind then havoc and raped terrorized our city and fell to both, our fair police and a band of criminals - seeking some viking treasure.
It seems our honored Captain Biafra had obviously watched enough Indiana Jones movies to believe he was a match to recover some old treasure and able to locate it via the map pieces the Norsemen had gathered. He and Sergeant Paragorn used the nightly darkness and a boat to reach the water beneath the lighthouse. Captain Biafra indeed found something buried there most likely over 1000 years ago. Captain Biafra has issued a statement on behalf of the APPD and has stated that the artifact will be available for public viewing at the AP District Courthouse starting August 1st for one month.
"By following leads and the course of justice the APPD is proud to announce that we have recovered the item coveted by the gang of criminals who wreaked havoc on our island.. I am happy to announce that the artifact is now in safe hands. We will not be intimidated by threats of violence and therefore will be soon showcasing the artifact for public viewing as it is richly intrinsic with our island's history. Rest assured, any who seek to harm our public will be met with the same swift hand of justice as previously served. Thank you."
Gold? Ancient weapons? Jewelry and finery? No, just some shiny ball, seemingly carved from a meteor that hit the earth far earlier and with tentacles forged around it. All the rapes and deaths for this? We congratulate the APPD to their awesome work and hope they are happy with the ugly thing.