*The standard static of the channel tuning into AP Local 68 News graces the screen as it shows a rather dapper Wilbert Woods With several elegantly dressed ladies (At least one some may recognize as a Red Light District “companion” if they frequent such locales) wearing a Golden tuxedo and laughing as he seems to be demonstrating some kind of trick involving a knife and fork, champagne glass, several quarters and a handkerchief.
In the background Dean Knopinski can be seen chatting with a lady sipping a drink near the Eiffel tower prop. There’s a loud “POP” of a cork being sprung to refill the glasses and the camera zooms in on Dean who suddenly ends up reeling, the cork flying off from where it pinged him right between the eyes. The man stumbles back, trying to gain his balance on the Eiffel tower, which lurches a bit and sends him falling. Face first into a server carrying a snack tray (in this case several cupcakes and cookies with icing) which causes a “CLANG” to sound at the same time the entire mess goes “SPLURT” All over his face like a white mess from his eyebrows on down. There’s a CREEEK and the entire Eiffel tower display finally tips over to land right on top of him. *
*The camera cuts back to Raymond Wages and a rather sunburnt Ariana Bening (her shoulders and chest are a nice shade of red even with the concealer make up they tried to apply, seems someone got a little toasted on her trip south) sitting at the news desk.*
Raymond: “Outch! Well it looks like our boys at least had some fun at the celebration.”
Ariana: “Indeed, Though there was some more excitement, our cameras caught a couple who decided to return to the festivities wearing a little less than they had left in. “
*The camera cuts to the same scene, with a blurred face and “naughty parts” image of a man and a woman bounding back into the dance area hand in hand. Something unintelligible said followed by the man starting and saying something the audible part of which is "...three boobs?" followed by him grabbing at the woman's chest. Some more unintelligible dialog followed by the man pointing at the camera. "except that ten foot pink bunny. hey you get naked!" The girl grabs the man's hand mutter mutter "...clothes on...I DO HAVE THREE TITS!" "told you..." mutter mutter "...hand and mouth" As he struck a kind of dramatic pose hands on hips. "And Miller! you almost have a full sized cock too! wow!" mutter mutter as she points and seems to laugh "...tits and like four inches!" The female then ducks a bit as something hits the man in the shoulder. "Look baby free balloons!" mutter mutter "...blow it up" shortly afterwards the female seems preoccupied "hey! give me your shirt!" She says before seeming to realize the guy doesn't have one and goes taking off. The guy looks down at his crotch before saying something incomprehensible and chasing after her. Then the Video ends*
Raymond: “We apologize for the poor quality of audio on that recording, obviously the couple in question weren't wired with microphones. After that it’s no wonder that Wilbert called in sick today. So with Weather here’s Tammi bean. Tammi, what can you tell us about the weather we have coming up?”
*The camera cuts to the Blond standing in front of the weather screen wearing a backless top with bikini underneath and one of those short skirts that hugs her hips.*
Tammi: “Hiiiiii Ray! I’m sorry I missed the naked people at the Prom, I had to take off early, my date and I had some other things we had to do. Which reminds me, it is still far too cold to be skinny dipping.” *She nods as if she just shared a big secret and giggles.*
Tammi: “Well today, it’s Monday right? Yeah it has to be cause I’m here. Anyway, Lots of sunshine in the morning, with some of those clouds coming in later on as the day progresses to make things dark and stormy looking.” *She frowns pressing the button on the control making the screen behind her show a Storm cloud with a “frownie” face on it. Which is apparently what she wanted to pull up as she smiles again seeing it*
Tammi: “Lots of wind and rain coming in later on in the evening. Looks like we are going to get down to Fifty little circles after sundown. Tomorrow, more clouds and rain, the thermometer…” *having a little trouble with the big word* “getting up to Sixty three of the little circles but dropping back down to forty seven little circles in the evening. Lots more rain and some scary thunder sticking around the area.”
*The background image changes to Frankenstein’s castle with the lightning flashing behind it*
Tammi: “Those nasty storms keep sticking around the rest of the week with the little circles keeping between Fifty six and up to seventy two on one day, but not very long. Making the little line bounce up and down all day as the clouds and storms keep sticking around and not taking off like they should.”
*The background graphics showing the linear temperature graph for the week with the temperatures nice, but every day has raining clouds on it indicating it’ll be warmer but wet all through Friday.*
Tammi: “So lets hope that those clouds start taking lessons from my ex and get out of here real fast and that the sun can come back nice and bright....OH! Sorry Ari...I forgot...the Sunburn thing..." *She giggles and shrugs as she forgets to verbally send things back over to the Pair at the desk and starts checking her nails and smoothing down her top a bit*
Ariana: "Yes...Right...um...thank you Tammi." *She focuses back on the main camera* "It was a year ago today that the Entire Bay area was ravaged by Hurricane Atticus. This week is a time of remembrance for people and pets lost in the event, and to celebrate those who are still with you. Even as we again enter into the season where more hurricanes may come. As a reminder, the harbor master and coast guard ask residents not to lay memorial wreaths or bouquets on the ocean or beach in remembrance of loved ones, a special area near the beach-side chapel has been designated for such to remember all those who were taken a year ago."
Raymond: "Nearby Townsend's council of Selectmen in a closed door session seemed to have voted down a proposal to increase the local law enforcement budget for the sole purpose of purchasing military weapons through the federal program and receive training in such. The proposed increase was made due to the recent spur of armed robberies and hostage situations in the township, and a similar matter is due to be voted on this month in the point. An additional proposal allowing the police to use civil asset forfeiture gains to pay for the same has been tabled while the council does more research into the current standing of those seized funds and assets. If passed the local police in that community and this could receive training starting at the end of May in fully automatic weapons, grenades and other military hardware to combat the surge in armed criminal activity of late."
*He turns to look at a separate camera and the website appears at the bottom as well as the $ tag $Militarypo or $NooccupyAP. As well as the Friendbook link to search*
Raymond: "Let us know what you think at the website below, or on chatter and Friendbook about the possible military hardware for the AP police force." *He adjusts his papers and smiles looking back to the camera* "And as part of our continuing spring hunting and fishing series, we now go to Dean Knopinski covering the upcoming Elver season. Dean?"
*The camera cuts to Dean wearing a pair of knee-high mud clomper boots and a raincoat walking along side a river. set here and there along the river are several posts with what looks like gauzy cloth rigged up like a bunch of up-ended primitive tents sunken into the water. The poor guy looks a mess, still has a band-aid on his forehead and looks like he's been a year hungover, but When you are Dean, you have already used up all your sick time this year to call in it seems*
Dean: "Thanks Ray. Elver may sound like something from the Hobbits Quest Movies or the online game, Swords and Spellcrafts, but in this case they are immature eels who have reached the stage where they travel up the rivers and canals from the spawning beds in the sea to hunt and migrate into the inland fresh water pools. Many of the hunters who seek these delicacies have come out early to set down their tags and traps ahead of season opening tomorrow. the Fish and wildlife wardens are checking to make sure none are operating at this time before the season opens."
*He takes a couple of steps on down to indicate several of the Tiny Swimming masses moving beneath the surface making the water ripple like it's moving, kind of hard to make out till the camera zooms in and shows what has to be thousands of the little things swimming and writhing to swim against the current*
Dean: "A lot like the Salmon who swim back up ~BLEEEEP~" The Exclamation is cut off as his boot gets stuck and he Slides in the mud landing right smack dab in the water...Sputtering and moving back to his feet*
Dean: "PANTS...THEY'RE IN MY PANTS!!!" *As he starts Slipping and Trying to Move on the Slippery rocks with water and shimmering baby eels flying out of his jacket and boots and trying to get his pants undone to get the writhing things out of his slacks. One of the nearby game wardens must recognize Dean cause he laughs as the camera watches and you hear someone shout out: "IF YOU CATCH ANY OF THEM WE'RE GONNA ARREST YOU FOR POACHING!" And there's more laughter as the camera cuts back to the news studio*
Raymond: "I'm sure they won't actually arrest him. Once captured Elver are raised in captivity and used as a delicacy in the making of Sushi."
Ariana: "Well I think I'll skip that for lunch today at least. Coming up, more controversy surrounding the proposed docks for cruise ships, Local owner of exotic pets finds his cages have been raided and the animals gone, a local animal rights group claims respectability. All that and More when we return after these messages."
*Cut to commercials*
In the background Dean Knopinski can be seen chatting with a lady sipping a drink near the Eiffel tower prop. There’s a loud “POP” of a cork being sprung to refill the glasses and the camera zooms in on Dean who suddenly ends up reeling, the cork flying off from where it pinged him right between the eyes. The man stumbles back, trying to gain his balance on the Eiffel tower, which lurches a bit and sends him falling. Face first into a server carrying a snack tray (in this case several cupcakes and cookies with icing) which causes a “CLANG” to sound at the same time the entire mess goes “SPLURT” All over his face like a white mess from his eyebrows on down. There’s a CREEEK and the entire Eiffel tower display finally tips over to land right on top of him. *
*The camera cuts back to Raymond Wages and a rather sunburnt Ariana Bening (her shoulders and chest are a nice shade of red even with the concealer make up they tried to apply, seems someone got a little toasted on her trip south) sitting at the news desk.*
Raymond: “Outch! Well it looks like our boys at least had some fun at the celebration.”
Ariana: “Indeed, Though there was some more excitement, our cameras caught a couple who decided to return to the festivities wearing a little less than they had left in. “
*The camera cuts to the same scene, with a blurred face and “naughty parts” image of a man and a woman bounding back into the dance area hand in hand. Something unintelligible said followed by the man starting and saying something the audible part of which is "...three boobs?" followed by him grabbing at the woman's chest. Some more unintelligible dialog followed by the man pointing at the camera. "except that ten foot pink bunny. hey you get naked!" The girl grabs the man's hand mutter mutter "...clothes on...I DO HAVE THREE TITS!" "told you..." mutter mutter "...hand and mouth" As he struck a kind of dramatic pose hands on hips. "And Miller! you almost have a full sized cock too! wow!" mutter mutter as she points and seems to laugh "...tits and like four inches!" The female then ducks a bit as something hits the man in the shoulder. "Look baby free balloons!" mutter mutter "...blow it up" shortly afterwards the female seems preoccupied "hey! give me your shirt!" She says before seeming to realize the guy doesn't have one and goes taking off. The guy looks down at his crotch before saying something incomprehensible and chasing after her. Then the Video ends*
Raymond: “We apologize for the poor quality of audio on that recording, obviously the couple in question weren't wired with microphones. After that it’s no wonder that Wilbert called in sick today. So with Weather here’s Tammi bean. Tammi, what can you tell us about the weather we have coming up?”
*The camera cuts to the Blond standing in front of the weather screen wearing a backless top with bikini underneath and one of those short skirts that hugs her hips.*
Tammi: “Hiiiiii Ray! I’m sorry I missed the naked people at the Prom, I had to take off early, my date and I had some other things we had to do. Which reminds me, it is still far too cold to be skinny dipping.” *She nods as if she just shared a big secret and giggles.*
Tammi: “Well today, it’s Monday right? Yeah it has to be cause I’m here. Anyway, Lots of sunshine in the morning, with some of those clouds coming in later on as the day progresses to make things dark and stormy looking.” *She frowns pressing the button on the control making the screen behind her show a Storm cloud with a “frownie” face on it. Which is apparently what she wanted to pull up as she smiles again seeing it*
Tammi: “Lots of wind and rain coming in later on in the evening. Looks like we are going to get down to Fifty little circles after sundown. Tomorrow, more clouds and rain, the thermometer…” *having a little trouble with the big word* “getting up to Sixty three of the little circles but dropping back down to forty seven little circles in the evening. Lots more rain and some scary thunder sticking around the area.”
*The background image changes to Frankenstein’s castle with the lightning flashing behind it*
Tammi: “Those nasty storms keep sticking around the rest of the week with the little circles keeping between Fifty six and up to seventy two on one day, but not very long. Making the little line bounce up and down all day as the clouds and storms keep sticking around and not taking off like they should.”
*The background graphics showing the linear temperature graph for the week with the temperatures nice, but every day has raining clouds on it indicating it’ll be warmer but wet all through Friday.*
Tammi: “So lets hope that those clouds start taking lessons from my ex and get out of here real fast and that the sun can come back nice and bright....OH! Sorry Ari...I forgot...the Sunburn thing..." *She giggles and shrugs as she forgets to verbally send things back over to the Pair at the desk and starts checking her nails and smoothing down her top a bit*
Ariana: "Yes...Right...um...thank you Tammi." *She focuses back on the main camera* "It was a year ago today that the Entire Bay area was ravaged by Hurricane Atticus. This week is a time of remembrance for people and pets lost in the event, and to celebrate those who are still with you. Even as we again enter into the season where more hurricanes may come. As a reminder, the harbor master and coast guard ask residents not to lay memorial wreaths or bouquets on the ocean or beach in remembrance of loved ones, a special area near the beach-side chapel has been designated for such to remember all those who were taken a year ago."
Raymond: "Nearby Townsend's council of Selectmen in a closed door session seemed to have voted down a proposal to increase the local law enforcement budget for the sole purpose of purchasing military weapons through the federal program and receive training in such. The proposed increase was made due to the recent spur of armed robberies and hostage situations in the township, and a similar matter is due to be voted on this month in the point. An additional proposal allowing the police to use civil asset forfeiture gains to pay for the same has been tabled while the council does more research into the current standing of those seized funds and assets. If passed the local police in that community and this could receive training starting at the end of May in fully automatic weapons, grenades and other military hardware to combat the surge in armed criminal activity of late."
*He turns to look at a separate camera and the website appears at the bottom as well as the $ tag $Militarypo or $NooccupyAP. As well as the Friendbook link to search*
Raymond: "Let us know what you think at the website below, or on chatter and Friendbook about the possible military hardware for the AP police force." *He adjusts his papers and smiles looking back to the camera* "And as part of our continuing spring hunting and fishing series, we now go to Dean Knopinski covering the upcoming Elver season. Dean?"
*The camera cuts to Dean wearing a pair of knee-high mud clomper boots and a raincoat walking along side a river. set here and there along the river are several posts with what looks like gauzy cloth rigged up like a bunch of up-ended primitive tents sunken into the water. The poor guy looks a mess, still has a band-aid on his forehead and looks like he's been a year hungover, but When you are Dean, you have already used up all your sick time this year to call in it seems*
Dean: "Thanks Ray. Elver may sound like something from the Hobbits Quest Movies or the online game, Swords and Spellcrafts, but in this case they are immature eels who have reached the stage where they travel up the rivers and canals from the spawning beds in the sea to hunt and migrate into the inland fresh water pools. Many of the hunters who seek these delicacies have come out early to set down their tags and traps ahead of season opening tomorrow. the Fish and wildlife wardens are checking to make sure none are operating at this time before the season opens."
*He takes a couple of steps on down to indicate several of the Tiny Swimming masses moving beneath the surface making the water ripple like it's moving, kind of hard to make out till the camera zooms in and shows what has to be thousands of the little things swimming and writhing to swim against the current*
Dean: "A lot like the Salmon who swim back up ~BLEEEEP~" The Exclamation is cut off as his boot gets stuck and he Slides in the mud landing right smack dab in the water...Sputtering and moving back to his feet*
Dean: "PANTS...THEY'RE IN MY PANTS!!!" *As he starts Slipping and Trying to Move on the Slippery rocks with water and shimmering baby eels flying out of his jacket and boots and trying to get his pants undone to get the writhing things out of his slacks. One of the nearby game wardens must recognize Dean cause he laughs as the camera watches and you hear someone shout out: "IF YOU CATCH ANY OF THEM WE'RE GONNA ARREST YOU FOR POACHING!" And there's more laughter as the camera cuts back to the news studio*
Raymond: "I'm sure they won't actually arrest him. Once captured Elver are raised in captivity and used as a delicacy in the making of Sushi."
Ariana: "Well I think I'll skip that for lunch today at least. Coming up, more controversy surrounding the proposed docks for cruise ships, Local owner of exotic pets finds his cages have been raided and the animals gone, a local animal rights group claims respectability. All that and More when we return after these messages."
*Cut to commercials*
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