Raymond: “What a lucky bunch of kids those little ones are.”
Ariana: “That’s right, and cute as well. Let’s hope the rest of their trip stays that exciting.” *She adjusts her papers and turns to face a different camera* “Well Spring is in the air, February is on its way out, let’s go now to Wilbert Woods to give us the good news on what we can expect from the weather. Wil?”
*The camera cuts to Wilbert Woods in front of his weather display map with the local area being menaced by a thick patch of green with scattered yellow “Severe” patches. He adjusts his tie and tries to smile friendly like.*
Wilbert: “Well Ariana, I’d like to say that the worst of the weather is behind us, especially after Dean’s little adventure with fresh buds au natural.” *There’s scattered chuckling at the most recent difficulty the field reporter encountered.* “But it seems that Mother nature is far from finished with toying with us on pulling out the short sleeves and swim trunks.”
*He hits the button and a image from vacation with a sunburnt Wilbert wearing said Swim trunks with flower pattern carrying an inflatable ducky under his arm posing on the beach appears on the screen behind him. He doesn’t seem to see it as his monitor shows something different*
Wilbert: “As you can see we have a rather intense bit of weather moving into and through the area all of today on the live Cobra Radar. Some of these patches are going to be Severe. The Good news is this pressure system and cloud cover pushes the temperature up. We should be at a Steady Mid Fifties, hitting a high of Fifty four degrees, and only dropping down to Forty-Five tonight. But we will have high winds, gusts up to forty miles per hour, and steady rain and scattered thunderstorms all through the day. Tomorrow….” *He presses the button and the Screen switches to a fairly obviously photoshopped image of Wilbert in a Speedo with lots of Muscles like some kind of European bodybuilder on another beach somewhere.* “The cloudy skies linger, but the temperatures start falling as this cold front moves in. Temperatures dropping to a high of only Forty six, and overnight as the clouds clear out it’ll drop back down into the teens and all that lingering water will most likely freeze.”
*This time when he hits his button it switches to the Forecast planner showing the full next week with the temperatures dropping down to single digits and not rising above 39 on Monday*
Wilbert: “As you can see Friday we linger in the low Thirties and overnight drop down to Eight degrees, those winds not doing any help and putting the wind chill below zero. Saturday, Still partly cloudy and windy, only a high near seventeen, dropping back down to single digits overnight. Sunday we get lots of sunshine, but it doesn’t really warm things up much, making the high about thirty two, leading into Mondayas scattered bouts of Freezing rain make their way in the late afternoon and overnight. That freezing rain continues into Tuesday giving way to overcast clouds Tuesday night keeping the temperature lingering around twenty-five degrees.”
*He hits another button and the background swaps to a bunch of snowflakes falling down on a pastoral scene, Ariana and Raymond Groan in the background*
Ariana: “You can’t be serious!”
Wilbert: “Yes, Wednesday we are expecting snow showers starting early in the morning and lasting all day, but no more than a single inch of accumulation. And Thursday gives us a little break but Thursday night next week we’ll get another band of Snow showers moving into the area. Thankfully with the winds being that low it won’t be quite so bad, but its still snow.”
Raymond: “Well now, sounds like we need to hunt down a certain groundhog and send him back to groundhog day school.” *He chuckles at his own joke softly and turns back to the main camera*
Raymond: “Breaking news this hour,” *On the screen behind him the word “KIDNAPPED!” appears in big red and black frightening letters* “a local notable has been kidnapped and absconded with leaving no clues as to their whereabouts!”
Ariana: “That’s right Raymond, Catfish Biff the carved mascot that has stood on the porch to greet all comers to Fisherman Bill’s Seafood and Brew house was kidnapped right off the porch and absconded with to parts unknown sometime this Tuesday evening. Locals are calling it a tragedy and insult against the community.”
*The screen cuts to interviews with several local persons*
Local #1: “It’s horrible! Catfish biff was there when my Grandmother was proposed to, when my mother was proposed to and when I proposed to my wife. He’s a staple and part of this community! Whomever took him should be ashamed of themselves….~Bleeep~ing Ashamed!”
Local #2: “There’s been many a night Ol Biff helped hold my drunk self up while I waited for my ride to show up. He don’t talk much but always was a good listener. I can’t believe anyone would steal him. They should be tossed off a ferry with cement overshoes for this!”
Local #3: “I can’t imagine any local would take him. If he were real we’d all want him as part of our family. It’s just shameful and makes me feel sick to imagine what may be happening to him right now.”
Ariana: “There are currently no suspects, but the owner of Fisherman Bill’s spoke to us and said that recently the Season finale of ‘Lobsters or death!’ which chronicles several fishing boats in the bay area that engage in lobster hunting aired on the Encounter Chanel. The Captains from those ships all met up to see who won their bet about the biggest catch and the restaurant got some good publicity from it. But that might also have tempted fans of the show to steal Biff from the porch as a bit of memorabilia.”
Raymond: “Catfish Biff, the lovable round fisherman with the catfish whiskers was hand carved by the original Fisherman Bill, the Great grandfather of the current owner, back after the eatery first opened. The owner is offering a Three Thousand dollar reward for those who have information that leads to the recovery of his family history, and our producers have matched that amount, making it a Six thousand dollar reward to bring Catfish biff back home! If you have any information please contact the station or Fisherman Bill’s offices at the number on your screen.”
Ariana: "And Such a Shame with The Annual Maine Restaurant week getting kicked off today, to have such a local staple missing a beloved mascot. Speaking of Maine Restaurant Week, we take you now live to Dean Knopinski and Kaylynn Garcia who are out at Federal Judkins' 'Brew with a view' and 'Local Lucky one-seventy sevens' respectively who are looking to kick off things this year with a bash!"
*The Screen splits and shows Dean and Kaylynn on either side. Both appear to be in rustic kind of Country style brewhouses with wooden chairs and tables and indirect lighting. Several dozen people wearing black polo shirts with the logo are shifting large kegs some metal some hardwood it seems behind Dean, while behind Kaylynn numerous jacketed waitresses mill about the tables handing out craft beers, cocktails in what look like Mason jars mostly and all number of drinks while a band preps on a stage behind her.*
Kaylynn: "That's right Ari, behind me you can see the Brunch crowd is already gathered for orders and drinks set to kick off this yearly event. As you may not know Local Lucky One-Seventy Seven started in Spain and the families who founded it are from all over the Mediterranean. They boast cuisine from Greece, Italy, Spain, the South of France and even such exotic Locations as Egypt and Morocco. All their ingredients are sourced from local farmers foragers and fishermen, and every morning the kitchen staff shows up before dawn to start kneading and making the bread to bake for the day filling the entire area with a lovely smell. Once I get done with this Rose Sidecar with a infusion of Hot-peppar Whisky I'll be ready to start in on the Brunch Specialty Fried Garlic and Mushroom Mussels! Hows things over with you Dean?"
*Dean obviously listening to the particulars is licking his lips slightly and then chuckles and smiles*
Dean: "Well Kaylynn, I can't say I'm drinking and Peppar infused Whiskey, but this Goat Island brown Ale is quite a kickoff to what promises to be a great Brunch over here. The Chefs at Federal Judkins' have been cooking their Beef and black Bean Chili all night letting it Simmer and Steep, and Afterwards a Special Federal Judkins mussels half cooked in the Juds Suds Homebrew lager and the other half in the Red Judds Hard Cider before they break out the Judd's Stuffed Haddock. Right now, as you can see behind me the staff is bringing up the kegs from the brewery in the basement to roll them behind the bar. I'm told this is a standard tradition for the brewery they do at the start of every month to bring good luck and not 'Skanky beer' as the brewmaster put it. "
*Behind him the staff starts rolling the kegs along the floor with a rumbling noise...the onlookers clapping and saluting. Dean turns to watch making certain to keep well out of the way as the camera follows the procession. Each keg one by one moving across from the lift trapdoor to the bar. the second to last one the person pushing it gets a little show offy and jumps on top of the keg to head it along with her feet, similar to a lumberjack on a spinning log. Cheers erupt till she forgot to take into account a low hanging sign which summarily clotheslines her in the forehead sending her reeling to the floor. the Last keg behind her about to hit her when the staff member pushing it makes a drastic turn to spare her from being run over by a huge wooden keg. *
Raymond: "Oooh...Calamari to go it looks like. I'm sure he'll be alright." *The Camera cuts back to the studio with both raymond and Ariana looking at the main view* "Things it seems got a little heated on one of our evening time programs, Point Counter-point last evening. For those unfamiliar with the program Marc Langler hosts a table discussion with several panelists to discuss local issues. Last night's topic came up with the proposed Marijuana moratorium, and it seems one of his Guests decided to make a point in a spectacular way. Here's the clip."
*the camera cuts into a show with a nice softly lit studio, Marc Langler sitting in the middle with 4 guests, two on either side of him.*
Marc: "So the upcoming proposal for the Marijuana moratorium, I understand you all have some ideas on this as being a good or bad thing, please lets start with you." *he nods to the man at the far left side, Identified by name as Eric Bernstein, Professor of Sociology, a well kept man with a mustache, receding hairline and smirk that you almost want to smack off his face*
Eric: "Thank you Marc, I think this is a horrible travesty and should be considered a non-issue. with the matters of the solar panel system on public buildings, and the cruise liners wanting to dock their floating cities here at our ports, we should just let the law....Yes the LAW that was passed allowing for recreational use to proceed as is without any kind of holdup."
*He's interrupted by a older woman with a strict short haircut who cuts in, she's identified as Reverend Nancy Sagar*
Nancy: "Oh Come on, can't you see that people are concerned this is being rushed?"
Eric: "No can't you see that the big Pharma is Trying to..."
Nancy: "big Pharma HAH...how do you know that all these new dispensaries aren't being opened by drug dealers who werent caught? How do you know that they aren't getting their supplies illegally and we're legalizing the illegal!? There's far too many questions being raised so it's understandable that people want a hold on implementation till all these questions can be addressed..."
*Another man interjects, identified as Gus Thurston, Ex Selectman for the city council and blogger, one some may remember as having been in office for several years and generally considered to have converted oxygen to carbon dioxide as being his only contribution to the position.*
Gus: "yes there are a lot of questions, but they had their chance to raise those when the decision was being put through the state caucus. Now all of a sudden they are having second thoughts and pushing for a stay after the fact on the local level."
Eric: "Exactly, the Portland city council passed the moratorium without even the courtesy of open debate, they just raised the issue, didn't even open the subject to the floor or experts, voted and within a minute there's a indefinite stay on the sales of Marijuana in the entire county to be re-evaluated in six months. Six months! If at all. And what kind of Evaluation!? The same kind of yes no vote they had this time?"
Nancy: "Six months is hardly enough time to figure out all the particulars to the benefits and drawbacks of allowing this Drug into..."
Eric: "It's a law...they legalized it! now people like you and yours are feeling hesitant and or being bribed off by big Pharmacies. Yes I said them again. They tried to get in before the money train could sail to hitch themselves up to it, and when it passed easily they realized they missed the boat now they are paying to bribe the captain to bring it back in to shore and kick the rest of the passengers off so they can be the only ones to ride it! I Say Call your Selectmen, Call your Council, Call the Governor and let them all know what you want! "
*He pulls out a Big Fat hand rolled Doobie and Shamelessly lights up right then and there, Nancy looks like she's about to have a heart attack and marc looks like he's trying not to laugh*
Eric: "I, in the meantime, am going to enjoy this legal bit of paradise before they send in the stormtroopers to try and take it away from me!" *he takes a big drag and Blows the Smoke into the air....offering the Joint to the unnamed woman sitting next to him on the left. the image cuts back to the AP newsroom with Ariana shaking her head*
Ariana: "Seems like quite the heated issue. Portland City councilors took less than five minutes to vote on the measure. There was no public comment and no discussion among councilors. The vote was unanimous. Other communities such as Brunswick, Boothbay, Liberty, Palmyra, Great Pond, Lincolnville, Camden, Rockland, Blue Hill, South Harbor, Swans Island and Cutler have all voted on similar measures and have passed the moratorium so far. Numerous other communities have it on their council petition, or agenda to have votes on similar implementations coming up soon. Asphyxiation Point itself has it scheduled for the council to vote to enact at their Spring full caucus meeting on March thirty-first. At this time no discussion or depositions from the community at large has been requested for this vote.”
Raymond: "Coming up this hour, Could Cruise ships be making an arrival at a dock near you? Boatyard starts burning, and only through quick action of local firefighters was the entire wharf not burnt down. Man donates artist's house, but needs new land for it to be moved to. Fisherman's Forum starts it's forty second year tomorrow find out what kinds of seminars and topics involving fisheries and fishing are going to be held. All this and More coming up this Hour. "
*Cuts to Commercials*